Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity, and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur

Be Your Own Sugar Daddy
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow
their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your
career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”
– Lady Gaga
Being raised by a single mother who taught me to never depend on a
man has certainly been one of the biggest blessings in my life. My mother
had it rough in so many ways, but she prevailed and is my biggest hero. She
taught me the value of being independent, and instilled a work ethic and
drive in me that’s at the heart of every ounce of my success. There is a
massive level of pride and accomplishment associated with earning things
on your own.
But success takes time and it takes a while to earn enough money to
buy yourself nice things. I had a boyfriend in my twenties who used to buy
me expensive gifts. Sometimes, these gifts came for no apparent reason,
and other times they were “rewards.” Regardless, I was in love, and I
accepted and appreciated the gifts he bestowed upon me as most women
would. I’ll never forget when I got my job at MTV, he bought me my first
Chanel purse. Now don’t get me wrong – gifts are nice, especially when
they come in the form of French leather. But nothing, I repeat nothing,
comes for free.
When we broke up, I sold the bags he had bought me. I knew he’d be
hurt if I mailed them back, yet I didn’t feel the need to hold onto the
memories, and I felt it would be smart to use the cash to pay some bills off.
Well, the backlash that came after he found out I got rid of the purses was
astronomical. Nasty phone calls, horrible emails – the works. Drama,
drama, drama. Truth be told, I wished I had never received those gifts in
the first place. They were no longer a symbol of love, as he once claimed.
They were a symbol of control and manipulation.

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This isn’t to say every gift from a man is tainted. My husband is the
most loving, kind, selfless man I’ve ever met and he’s also given me some
beautiful gifts. But as I got older, wiser, and more successful, I promised
myself I would never fall into the trap of waiting for a man to buy me
something I wanted. I also vowed I would redo my “Chanel experience”
and buy myself a brand new Chanel purse, with my own hard-earned
money. I would step into my power and recreate the experience the way it
should have happened in the first place.
Though it took me almost ten years to make it happen, I will never
forget the day I walked into the Chanel boutique on 57
th
street in New York
City and treated myself to my first bag. I decided to make a day of it and
relish the whole experience. I wore my favorite faux fur coat, my most
gorgeous black leather boots, and took a town car from Brooklyn to
Manhattan to make my purchase. I pulled up to Chanel with a full face of
makeup and a fresh blow out, and proudly entered the store. My sales
associate, Javier, whom I had spoken with previously, was waiting for me.
He asked me if I wanted a glass of champagne while I looked at the bag. I
boldly accepted. Hashtag “Boss.”
“It’s a gorgeous purse,” he said, admiring it in my hands.
“It is,” I said, strutting over to the mirror to notice how beautifully the
gold leather chain strap hung from my shoulder. I soaked in the moment,
thinking to myself, I did it. I am here, in Chanel, buying my own bag, that I
earned myself. By working my ass off. I didn’t hesitate or stress over
whether or not I could afford it. I didn’t have to wait for someone to tell me
I “could” have it. The bag was going to be mine, on my own terms.
“I’ll take it!” I said, as I walked back over to the counter to finish the
rest of my champagne.
“Great! We’ll go wrap it up for you in the back.”
Ten minutes later, I walked out of that store, champagne in my veins
and my new 2.55 jumbo caviar black and gold flap bag in my hands, paid in
full – in cash. Not on a credit card, not from a man. For myself, from myself.
Maybe you don’t appreciate the significance of this story the way I do.
Or maybe you think it’s ridiculous to spend what I spent on a purse (I mean,
I get it. It kind of is). But regardless of your feelings on my purchase, the
takeaway here is that there is no better feeling than doing something for
yourself. Whether it’s a vacation, a new Chanel purse, a course you’ve
wanted to take to help grow your business – whatever. Focus on figuring

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out how to treat yourself to the things you want as opposed to finding a man
who will do it for you. Be your own sugar daddy. It’s so much sweeter.
GIRL CODE: Secret
Be your own sugar daddy.