It Ends with Us

kissing me again.
I held on to the heart while we kissed, wanting to believe it was a gift for no
reason at all. But part of me was scared it was a gift to remember him by when he
leaves for Boston.
I didn’t want to remember him. If I had to remember him, it would mean he
wasn’t a part of my life anymore.
I don’t want him to move to Boston, Ellen. I know that’s selfish of me because he
can’t keep living in that house. I don’t know what I’m more afraid might happen.
Watching him leave or selfishly begging him not to go.
I know we need to talk about it. I’ll ask him about Boston tonight when he comes
over. I just didn’t want to ask him last night because it was a really perfect day.
—Lily
Dear Ellen,
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
He’s moving to Boston.
I don’t really feel like talking about it.
—Lily
Dear Ellen,
This is going to be a big one for my mother to hide.
My father is usually pretty cognizant of hitting her where it won’t leave a visible
bruise. The last thing he probably wants is for people in the town to know what he
does to her. I’ve seen him kick her a few times, choke her, hit her on the back and the
stomach, pull her hair. The few times he’s hit her on the face, it’s always just been a
slap, so the marks wouldn’t stay for long.
But never have I seen him do what he did last night.
It was really late when they got home. It was a weekend, so he and my mom went
to some community function. My father has a real estate company and he’s also the
town mayor, so they have to do things in the public a lot like go to charity dinners.
Which is ironic, since my father hates charities. But I guess he has to save face.
Atlas was already in my room when they got home. I could hear them fighting as
soon as they walked through the front door. A lot of the conversation was muffled,
but for the most part, it sounded like my father was accusing her of flirting with
some man.

---

Now I know my mother, Ellen. She would never do something like that. If
anything, a guy probably looked at her and it made my father jealous. My mother is
really beautiful.
I heard him call her a whore and then I heard the first blow. I started to climb out
of my bed but Atlas pulled me back and told me not to go in there, that I might get
hurt. I told him it actually helps sometimes. That when I go in there, my father
backs off.
Atlas tried to talk me out of it, but finally I got up and went out into the living
room.
Ellen.
I just . . .
He was on top of her.
They were on the couch and he had his hand around her throat, but his other
hand was pulling up her dress. She was trying to fight him off and I just stood
there, frozen. She kept begging him to get off her and then he hit her right across the
face and told her to shut up. I’ll never forget his words when he said, “You want
attention? I’ll give you some fucking attention.” And that’s when she got real still
and stopped fighting him. I heard her crying, and then she said, “Please be quiet.
Lily is here.”
She said, “Please be quiet.”
Please be quiet while you rape me, dear.
Ellen, I didn’t know one human was capable of feeling so much hate inside one
heart. And I’m not even talking about my father. I’m talking about me.
I walked straight to the kitchen and I opened a drawer. I grabbed the biggest knife