she feels entitled to that support. He does not assume she has given less. Quite the contrary, he
assumes she must be giving more or at least as much as he is, and that is why she feels good
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about asking.
6. Question. A woman may feel, "When I ask for support, I am afraid to be brief. I want to
explain why I need his help. I don't want to appear demanding. "
Answer: When a man hears a request from his partner, he trusts she has good reasons for
asking. If she gives him a lot of reasons why he should fulfill her request, he feels as though he
can't say no, and if he can't say no then he feels manipulated or taken for granted. Let him give
you a gift instead of taking his support for granted.
If he needs to understand more he will ask why. Then it is OK to give reasons. Even when he
asks, be careful not to be too lengthy. Give one, or at most, two reasons. If he still needs more
information, he'll let you know.
STEP 2: PRACTICE ASKING FOR MORE
(EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW HE MAY SAY NO)
Before attempting to ask a man for more, make sure he feels appreciated for what he is already
giving. By continuing to ask for his support without expecting him to do more than he has been
doing he will feel not only appreciated but also accepted.
When he is used to hearing you ask for his support without wanting more, he feels loved in
your presence. He feels he doesn't have to change to get your love. At this point he will be
willing to change and stretch his ability to support you. At this point you can risk asking for
more without giving him the message that he is not good enough.
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