he should do it. Whether he does it or not, he will be more resistant next time she asks for his
support.
To give him a chance to fulfill your requests, ask and pause. Let him grumble and say things,
just listen. Eventually he will say yes. Don't mistakenly believe that he will hold this against
you. He can't and won't hold it against you as long as you don't insist or argue with him. Even
if he walks off grumbling, he will let go of it, if both of you feel it is his choice to do or not to
do it.
Sometimes, however, he may not say yes. Or he may try to argue his way out by asking you
some questions. Be careful. During your pause he may ask questions like:
* "Why can't you do it?"
* "I really don't have time. Would you do it?"
* "I am busy, I don't have time. What are you doing?"
Sometimes these are just rhetorical questions. So you can remain quiet. Don't speak unless it is
clear that he is really looking for an answer. If he wants an answer, give him one, but be very
brief, and then ask again. Assertive asking means asking with a sense of confidence and trust
that he will support you if he can.
If he questions you or says no, then respond with a brief answer.
Programming a Man to Say Yes
I first became conscious of this process when my wife asked me to buy some milk at the store
when I was on my way to bed. I remember grumbling out loud. Instead of arguing with me, she
just listened, assuming that eventually I would do it. Then finally I made a few banging noises
on my way out, got in my car, and went to the store.
Then something happened, something that happens to all men, something that women don't
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