later on). To practice giving acceptance and not giving advice and criticism is, however, a big
step.
By clearly understanding he is rejecting not her needs but the way she is approaching him, she
can take his rejection less personally and explore more supportive ways of communicating her
needs. Gradually she will realize that a man wants to make improvements when he feels he is
being approached as the solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
If you are a woman, I suggest that for the next week practice restraining from giving any
unsolicited advice or criticism. The men in your life not only will appreciate it but also will be
more attentive and responsive to you.
If you are a man, I suggest that for the next week you practice listening whenever a woman
speaks, with the sole intention of respectfully understanding what she is going through.
Practice biting your tongue whenever you get the urge to offer a solution or change how she is
feeling. You will be surprised when you experience how much she appreciates you.
24
Chapter 3
Men Go to Their Caves
and Women Talk
One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. Men
become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed
and emotionally involved. At these times, a man's needs for feeling good are different from a
woman's He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems.
Not understanding and accepting these differences creates unnecessary friction in our
relationships. Let's look at a common example.
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