Lecture The Study of Intercultural Communication Key Terms

4.11 Similarities and Differences. Cultural Differences in Relationships
An awareness of the importance of both similarities and differences is at the heart of understanding intercultural relationships. According to the similarity princi­ple, we tend to be attracted to people whom we perceive to hold attitudes similar to ours in terms of politics, religion, personality, and so on. And there is evidence that this principle holds for many cultural groups. Finding people who agree with our own beliefs confirms those beliefs. After all, if we like ourselves, we should like others who share our views. Thus, individuals may explicitly seek partners who hold the same beliefs and values due to deep spiritual, moral, or re­ligious convictions.
In addition, the similarity principle seems to reinforce itself. Not only do we like people we think are similar to us, but we also may think that people we like are more similar to us than they actually are. Similarity is based not on whether people actually are similar, but on the perceived (though not necessarily real) recognition or discovery of a similar trait. This process of discovery is crucial in developing relationships. In fact, when people think they're similar, they have higher expectations about future interactions.
But we may also seek out people who have different personality traits and therefore provide balance, or complementarity, in the relationship. For ex­ample, an introverted individual may seek a more outgoing partner, or a spend­thrift may be attracted to an individual who is more careful with money.
Some individuals are attracted to people simply because they have different cultural backgrounds. Intercultural relationships present intriguing opportuni­ties to have new experiences and to learn new ways of looking at the world. And whether (and when) we seek out people who are different or similar to ourselves may be due partly to our own experiences.
U.S. Americans tend to accept some relationships of complementarity more than others. For example, it's more acceptable to date international students than to date across class lines. So, intercultural relationships are characterized by both similarities and differences. Although we may be attracted initially by differences, some common ground or similarity must be established if the relationship is to develop, flourish, and be mutually satisfying over time.
How are friendships – personal, nonromantic relationships with culture-specific overtones – formed? What are the characteristics of a friend? How do these notions vary across cultures? For some people, a friend is some­one to see or talk with occasionally and someone to socialize with – go to lunch or a movie, discuss interests, and maybe share problems. These casual friendships may not last if one person moves away. But other people view friendship much more seriously. For these people, friendships take a long time to develop, include many obligations (perhaps lending money or doing favors), and last a lifetime.
What most people in the world consider simply a friend is what U.S. Amer­icans would consider a "close friend." A German student explained that in Ger­many one can hardly call somebody a friend even if he or she has known that per­son for over a year. Only if one has a "special emotional relationship" can he or she view that person as a friend. For most U.S. Americans, the special emo­tional relationship would be reserved for a close friend.
Hispanic, Asian American, African American, and Anglo American students hold similar notions about two important characteristics of close friendship: trust and acceptance. However, whereas Latino, Asian American, and African Ameri­can students report that it takes, on average, about a year to develop a close friendship, Anglo Americans report that it takes only a few months. And each group may emphasize a slightly different aspect of friendship. For example, Lati­nos/as emphasize relational support; Asian Americans emphasize a caring, posi­tive exchange of ideas; African Americans emphasize respect and acceptance; and Anglo Americans emphasize recognizing the needs of individuals.
There are also similarities and differences in how ro­mantic relationships are viewed in different cultures. In general, most cultures stress the importance of some degree of openness, involvement, shared nonver­bal meanings, and relationship assessment in romantic relationships. However, there are some differences. In general, U.S. American students emphasize the importance of physical attraction, passion, love, and autonomy, reflecting a more individualistic orientation. Thus, togetherness is important as long as it doesn't interfere too much with one's own freedom. Practicing openness, talking things out, and retaining a strong sense of self are strategies for maintaining a healthy intimate relationship.
But many other cultural groups emphasize the acceptance of the potential partner by family members as more important than romantic or passionate love, reflecting a more collectivist orientation.
The U.S. American emphasis on individual autonomy in relationships can be problematic. Trying to balance the needs of two "separate" individuals is not easy, and extreme individualism makes it difficult for either partner to justify sacrific­ing or giving more than he or she is receiving. All this leads to fundamental con­flicts as partners try to reconcile the need for personal freedom with marital ob­ligations. In fact, one study indicated that people with extremely individualistic orientations may experience less love, care, trust, and physical attraction with their partners in romantic relationships. These problems are less common in more collectively oriented societies.