Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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Lord, what about his span of life? And your Lord decides as He likes and the angel puts it 
down. Then he says: My Lord, what about his livelihood? And then the Lord decides as He 
likes and the angel writes it down, and then the angel leaves with his scroll of destiny in his 
hand and nothing is added to it and nothing is subtracted from it. (Muslim 6393). 
After 'ensoulment,' abortion is only allowed if the pregnancy will endanger the 
mother's life, the principle being that the real life of the mother takes precedence over 
the potential life of the unborn child. 
A casual attitude to abortion has developed in a few countries, where it is often 
used routinely whenever contraception fails, but it is now increasingly realised that 
many women who have abortions in order to solve one problem end up with 
psychological problems later on as the result of the guilt and sadness of destroying their 
unborn child. 
Abstinence
. Sometimes a couple decide to live without sex for a period of time. 
This is not generally advisable in a marriage, because it can lead to a range of 
inhibitions and problems. If both parties wish to rest from sex, then that is their 
business. Both partners have to agree, of course, as the Shari'ah forbids either to 
renounce sex without the other's permission. There is a danger, however, that marital 
relations may not start up again, and the man and wife may be attracted to others. 
Islam is alert to the need to prevent adultery, and therefore sees abstinence as 
encouraging a temptation that is unnecessary. 
'Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire hardship for you.' (2:185) 
There is a hadith of Salman al-Farsi to Abu'1-Darda,' whose wife had begun to 
neglect herself because she was so depressed by her husband's lack of care for her: 'Allah 
has rights over you, and so do your wife and children. So try to fulfil all these rights. The 
fulfillment of one duty should not cause the negligence of others.' When the Prophet 
(P.B.U.H) was informed about this, he said that Salman was right. (Bukhari.) See also 
'Celibacy.' 
This is something that is particularly important for the husband to remember, if 
he wishes to have a happy wife. Remember that his basic need is for respect, while hers 
is for love. Just as a man would hate to be laughed at for sexual inadequacy, so a woman 
hates to be 'used' and then set aside without a word of love. Don't thrust her off and leap 
up to wash immediately, as if she had contaminated you! Keep some tissues handy. 
The correct Islamic manners for a husband are to lie with his arms around his wife 
for some moments, after checking her happiness, telling her that he loves her, and in his 
heart thanking Allah for his happiness and good fortune. However, don't forgot some 
people feel the urge to go to the toilet after intercourse. 
Age.
It is generally best if the husband is older than his bride, because women 
seem to mature more quickly, and also because he will be better able to support her 
financially. 
As far as the sex drive goes, this diminishes far less quickly with age than is 
commonly imagined. Sexual activity will continue well into the sixties and even 
seventies, provided that the couple have developed an active and varied sex life from 
early marriage, and have taken steps to avoid getting bored. Women's sex drive is often 
far stronger that a man's after the age of forty which is good news for older women 
marrying younger men. 
AIDS.
This terrible disease is transmitted sexually, or through the sharing of 
hypodermic needles. Most victims are homosexuals, but it is now spreading among the 
heterosexual population as well, and some unfortunate children are being born with it. The 
only protection is to go into your marriage without previous illicit sexual contact, and to 
remain faithful to your partner. 
The Blessed Prophet remarked: 
'Never does immorality appear among a people to the extent that they make it 
public, but that there shall appear among them plagues and agonies unknown to their 
forefathers.' (Malik, Muwatta') 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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