Minutes a day n e w y o r k

S A M P L E   E S S AY   E X A M   Q U E S T I O N S   A N D   A N S W E R S
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1 6 0
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Mario has also taught me about unconditional love. Unconditional love means you love someone not
because of what they can do for you, or what they have done for you, but just because you love them.
Mario also has influenced me to enjoy the simple gifts in life. I can run, walk, talk, and learn. Most of my friends
complain about homework, girlfriends, and petty, stupid fights with their friends. But Mario, without saying any-
thing, reminds me that it’s all good. I have more than he does, and I should be content with what I have. I don’t
need to have the newest CD or my own car to be happy.
Not many people have a special gift like Mario in their life. I am really lucky because he has influenced me, I
think, to be a better person. I’ve learned a lot about life from him, how to live and how not to live.
Assessment
On a scale of 1–5, this essay received a 3. The student shows a basic understanding of the assignment, using the
example of his brother Mario to develop a response to the prompt. There is good development, particularly in the
second paragraph, with specific examples. However, the second body paragraph, about unconditional love, is
unsupported. Detracting from the essay are a very basic vocabulary and little sentence variety. This is a fair response
with good ideas that would benefit from more sophisticated grammar and vocabulary and more concrete support.
Response #3
My mother is the person who influenced me the most. She is a very hard worker. She is a very devoted mother,
and she is tough.
My mother works at Macy’s, cleaning the rest rooms and straightening up the stock after the store closes.
It is not an easy job, she does it from 12 midnight til 8 in the morning. My mother wanted to go to college, but
her parents didn’t have no money. She really want us to all go. I would love to make her proud of myself. That would
be a great reward to her for all she did for us.
My mother cares about all the things that no other mothers pay no attention to anymore. She won’t let
me hang out with my friends without calling, no boys in the house when she’s not home, I have to cook and clean,
etc. She is a very devoted mother.
One day, some lady almost ran me over in front of my house. My mother went out there and tryd to find
what the cause was. Well, the lady starting screaming at my mother, and she was the one at fault! My mother
yelled back and even called the cops on this lady, she isn’t afraid of anybody.
I think I will probably turn out to be just like my mother, and that would be fine with me.
Assessment
On a scale of 1–5, this essay received a 2. It shows a basic understanding of the assignment, but little development.
The writer lays out three ways her mother has been influential in her life, but then fails to adequately develop them
with examples. In the second body paragraph, the writer never makes a connection between her mother’s strict-
ness and being a devoted mother. In addition, she doesn’t really discuss how this has affected her. There is a weak
introduction with no real “hook,” and a short conclusion that weakens the organization of the essay. The sentences
are simple and contain noticeable errors, particularly run-on sentences. Overall, this response shows marginal com-
petence in writing.