Shepherding a Child's Heart

Honoring Defined
Honoring parents means to treat them with respect and esteem
because of their position of authority. It is honoring them because of
their role of authority. If a child is going to honor his parents, it will
be the result of two things: 1) The parent must train him to do so. 2)
The parent must be honorable in his conduct and demeanor.
It is not easy to train children to honor parents in a culture in
which no one is honored. One of the clearest ways to show honor is in
the way children speak to their parents. Children must never speak to
their parents in imperatives. They must never speak to Mom and Dad
as they would speak to a peer. They must be taught to express their
thoughts in a manner that shows proper respect.
This can be done kindly through statements such as these: “I am
sorry, dear, but you may not speak to me in that way. God has made
me your mother and has said that you must treat me with honor. Now,
let’s see if there is a respectful way you can express what you wish to
say.”
Or, “Dear, I am not one of your chums. You may speak to your
friends in a flippant manner, but you may not speak to me in that way.
Now, what was it that you wanted to say?” Or, “Dear, you cannot give

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me orders. You may make requests, but you cannot give me orders
because God has made me the authority over you.”
Do not wait for this training until your children are teenagers. If
you do, you will suffer the indignity of their disrespect. Deal with this
in the first several years. Respectful teenagers are developed when
they are 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5, not at 13, 14, 15, or 16. (If you find yourself
confronted with disrespectful teens, get these concepts under your
belt and talk with them about how you should have raised them.)
I observed a recent conversation:
Parent: “Dear, I want you to sit down now.”
Child: [With an impudent grin] “Why?”
Parent: “I think that you need to slow down a little.”
Child: [Same grin, a little taunting] Why?
Parent: “Because … ”
Child: “Why?”
Parent: “Because …”
Child: “Why?”
Parent: “Because … ”
Child: “Why?”
After a few minutes, the mother of this child turned toward me in
explanation. “Sometimes I just can’t get him to be serious.”
This lad was being serious. He knew that his mother wanted
cooperation. He was not about to submit to her. Things could not have
been more serious.
A parent who is respectful to his children and teaches them with
dignity and respect will be respected by his children. You may not
yell at your children. You do not make them your slaves. Suffering
indignities from you cannot be a part of submission to authority.

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When you fail to be respectful or courteous, or sin against them, you
must seek forgiveness. There is a sowing and reaping principle here.
Whatever you sow you shall reap. It is as true in childrearing as it is
anywhere.