Shepherding a Child's Heart

Call for Consistency
The serious parent must be prepared to swim upstream, as our
culture has lost any semblance of submission to authority. You must
be consistent. You must train your children to obey through careful
discipline and precise instruction. The rules have to be the same each
day.
If they must obey, you must challenge disobedience and persevere
until the lessons of submission are learned. Victory does not come to
the faint of heart. You will rarely witness resolute will power such as
you find in a toddler who has determined not to obey.
Clear directives and thorough reinforcement are essential. Never
allow your children to disobey without dealing with them. When they
disobey, they are moving out of the circle of God’s blessing into a
place of grave peril. If you understand the fear of the Lord, you will
not allow your child to ignore God’s law without intervening. Your
intervention is turning him back into the circle of blessing.
Some parents argue, “It is a glory to overlook an offense,” as a
justification for allowing some disobedience. They do not understand
the issue. Obedience to parents is not a parent-child issue. If it were,

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the parent could be selective about when he wished to be obeyed.
Obedience is not simply an issue between the parent and the child. It
is an issue between the child and God in which the parent is God’s
agent in drawing the child back within the circle of blessing. It is not
a glory to overlook offenses of that sort.
Once the lessons of submission are learned, they are learned for a
lifetime! As I write, my children are in high school and college. We
have not had a contest over the issue of submission for years. God is
faithful to his promise.
Process of Appeal
Once your children understand that they are creatures under
authority and that they cannot always do what they like, you can begin
to teach them how to appeal to their authorities.
You cannot accept refusal to obey. You cannot accept obedience
only when your children are convinced you are right or fair. You
cannot be required to sell them on the propriety of your directives.
These issues must be firmly in place. They are non-negotiables.
You can, however, teach them to appeal to authority. They are not
machines. They have ideas and thoughts. Daniel 1 shows us how to
appeal to authorities. It is important to teach your children how to
appeal in a respectful manner.
The appeal process is a safety valve for the biblical requirement of
obedience. It is a safety check in two directions. 1) It is a check
against caprice on your part. Perhaps you have spoken quickly
without careful thought. Appeal provides a context for you to rescind
a directive that was spoken in haste or was inappropriate. 2) It is a
safety valve for your children. They know that they have permission
to appeal a directive. They know that Mom and Dad will honestly
reconsider and will rescind the directive if that is good for the
individual or family. This keeps the kids from feeling they “can’t
fight city hall.” The appeal procedure is a good “after-command”

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safety valve.
There is an important “before-command” safety valve for parents.
The wise parent will weigh whether the directive he is giving is
necessary and appropriate.
For example, imagine your child is reading in bed. It is time for
lights out. You could simply throw the switch. You could tell him to
shut off the lights. Either way, the child’s duty is to obey. Or you
could ask, “How many pages to the end of that chapter? Oh, only a
page and a half. Okay, you may finish and then turn off the lights.” As
a wise parent, you must exercise sensitivity to your child’s needs and
wishes as you provide direction. By doing so, you model godly
authority that is truly kind.