Shepherding a Child's Heart

Application Questions for Chapter 7
1. Have you thoroughly thought through what you are doing as
a parent? Have you subjected the things you say and do in your
interaction with your child to biblical critique?
2.
Which of the unbiblical methods above have you seen
yourself use? Can you think of any other common unbiblical
approaches to discipline and correction?
3.
State in your own words wWhat is wrong with these
unbiblical approaches? State it in your own termswords what is wrong
with these unbiblical approaches.
4. How would you defend this statement: The behavior of our
children is not the problem—the root issue is their hearts.
5. Could you label this figure and relate it to the central idea of
this chapter?

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6. Could you summarize the point of this chapter in a single
sentence?

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Chapter 8
Embracing Biblical Methods: Communication
Salesmen get tired of restaurant food. My father understood this,
so he would often bring salesmen home for dinner. During one such
evening, when we were hesitant in obeying, Dad reminded us of our
duty by asking, “What is Ephesians 6:1?” In our minds we would
recite, “Children obey your parents in the Lord,” and proceed with our
task.
The powerful effect this question had on us impressed our guest.
He was sure he had stumbled on a new method of getting children to
obey. By evening’s end he could contain his curiosity no longer.
“By the way,” he finally asked, “What is Ephesians 6:1? I would
like to teach it to my children.”
Like many parents, my father’s friend wanted an effective method
of dealing with his children. He thought perhaps this Ephesians 6:1
approach would work with his kids.
If we reject the methods that we evaluated briefly in the last
chapter, to what do we turn? What light does the Word of God shed
on our approach to parenting? God’s Word must inform not only our
goals, but also our methods.
Methods and goals should be complementary. You want your
child to live for the glory of God. You want your child to realize that
life worth living is life lived under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Your
methods must show submission to that same Lord. Methods designed
to produce well-adjusted and successful children won’t work because
your goal is not simply success and good adjustment.
A biblical approach to children involves two elements that you

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weave together. One element is rich, full communication. The other is
the rod. In the book of Proverbs we find these two methods side by
side.
Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod,
he will not die.
Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death.
My son, if your heart is wise,
then my heart will be glad;
my inmost being will rejoice
when your lips speak what is right.
Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord.
There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
Listen, my son, and be wise,
and keep your heart on the right path.
(Proverbs 23:13–19)
Listen to your father, who gave you life,
and do not despise your mother when she is old.
(Proverbs 23:22)

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My son, give me your heart
and let your eyes keep to my ways…
(Proverbs 23:26)
These passages couple the rod with rich entreaty. Solomon weds
extensive communication and the rod. Both are essential to biblical
childrearing. Together they form a God-pleasing, spiritually
satisfying, cohesive, and unified approach to discipline, correction,
and training of children. The use of the rod preserves biblically-
rooted parental authority. God has given parents authority by calling
them to act as his agents in childrearing. The emphasis on rich
communication prohibits cold, tyrannical discipline. It provides a
context for honest communication in which the child can be known
and learn to know himself. It is sensitive, but avoids a “touchy-feely”
sentimentality.
The rod and communication must always be woven together in the
actual shepherding of children. In order to study each, we will
separate them. We will first look at communication (chapters 8–10),
and then the rod (chapter 11).
Here is an excerpt from a recent conversation I had with a father.
“Tell me about your communication with your son,” I queried.
“Oh, we talk okay,” he responded. “Just last night he told me he
wanted a bicycle and I told him to eat his beans.”
The comment brought a smile to my face, but as I reflected on it, I
realized it was probably an accurate description of communication
between most parents and their children. Moms and dads tell the
children what to do. Kids tell their parents their wishes and dreams.