Shovak O. I. Fundamentals of the Theory of Speech Communication

l.b. Self-other understanding and establishing meaningful relationships
Another key function of communication is self-other understanding. When you get to know another person, you also get to know oneself, you learn how others af­fect you. In other words, we depend on communication to develop self- awareness. Communication theorist T. Hora puts it this way: "To understand himself man needs to be understood by another. To be understood by another he needs to understand the other". We need feedback from others all the time and others are constantly in need of feedback from us. Interpersonal, small-group and public communication contact offer us numerous opportunities for self-other discovery. Through communication processes we are able to learn why we are trusting or untrusting, whether we can make our thoughts and feelings clear, under what conditions we have the power to influence others, and whether we can effectively make decisions and resolve conflicts and problems. In order to build a relationship we cannot be concerned about ourselves but must consider the needs and wants of others. It is through effective interpersonal, small-group and public communication contacts that our basic social needs are met. Communication offers each of us the chance to satisfy what psychologist William Schutz calls our "needs for inclusion, contact, and affection". The need for inclusion is our need to be with others, our need for social contact. We like to feel that others accept and value us and we want to feel like a full partner in a relationship. The needfor control is our need to feet that we are capable and responsible, that we are able to deal with and manage our environment. We like to feel that we can influence others. The need for affection is our need to express and receive love. Since communication allows each of these needs to be met if we are able to communicate meaningfully with others we are less likely to feel unwanted, unloved or incapable. During interpersonal, small-group and public communication interactions individuals have ample opportunities to influence each other. We spend much time trying to persuade one another to think as "we" think, do what "we" do, like what "we" like. Sometimes our efforts meet with success, and sometimes they do not. In any case our persuasion experiences allow each of us the change to influence another so that we may try to realize our goals.