The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

Perhaps you need a miracle in your own marriage. Why
not try Ann’s experiment?
“Dr. Chapman, I would do anything if that could
happen,” Ann said.
“Well,” I responded, “it will take a lot of hard work, but I
believe it’s worth a try. I’m personally interested to see if
this experiment works and if our hypothesis is true. I would
like to meet with you regularly throughout this process—
perhaps every two weeks—and I would like you to keep
records on the positive words of affirmation that you give
Glenn each week. Also, I would like you to bring me your list

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of complaints that you have written in your notebook without
stating them to Glenn. Perhaps from the felt complaints, I
can help you build specific requests for Glenn that will help
meet some of those frustrations. Eventually, I want you to
learn how to share your frustrations and irritations in a
constructive way, and I want you and Glenn to learn how to
work through those irritations and conflicts. But during this
six-month experiment, I want you to write them down without
telling Glenn.”
Ann left, and I believed that she had the answer to her
question: “Is it possible to love someone whom you hate?”
In the next six months, Ann saw a tremendous change
in Glenn’s attitude and treatment of her. The first month, he
was flippant and treated the whole thing lightly. But after the
second month, he gave her positive feedback about her
efforts. In the last four months, he responded positively to
almost all of her requests, and her feelings for him began to
change drastically. Glenn never came for counseling, but he
did listen to some of my tapes and discuss them with Ann.
He encouraged Ann to continue her counseling, which she
did for another three months after our experiment. To this
day, Glenn swears to his friends that I am a miracle worker.
I know in fact that love is a miracle worker.
P
erhaps you need a miracle in your own marriage. Why
not try Ann’s experiment? Tell your spouse that you have

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been thinking about your marriage and have decided that
you would like to do a better job of meeting his/her needs.
Ask for suggestions on how you could improve. His
suggestions will be a clue to his primary love language. If
he makes no suggestions, guess his love language based
on the things he has complained about over the years.
Then, for six months, focus your attention on that love
language. At the end of each month, ask your spouse for
feedback on how you are doing and for further suggestions.
Whenever your spouse indicates that he is seeing
improvement, wait one week and then make a specific
request. The request should be something you really want
him to do for you. If he chooses to do it, you will know that
he is responding to your needs. If he does not honor your
request, continue to love him. Maybe next month he will
respond positively. If your spouse starts speaking your love
language by responding to your requests, your positive
emotions toward him will return, and in time your marriage
will be reborn. I cannot guarantee the results, but scores of
people whom I have counseled have experienced the
miracle of love.
NOTES
1. Luke 6:27–28, 31–32.
2. Luke 6:38.

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