The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

Masculine and feminine styles of self-assessment and learning:
As studies
have shown, when men make mistakes they tend to look outward and
find other people or circumstances to blame. Men’s sense of self is
deeply tied to their success, and they do not like to look inward if they
fail. This makes it difficult to learn from failures. On the other hand,
men will tend to feel that they are completely responsible for any
success in life. This will make them blind to the element of luck and the
help of others, which will feed their grandiose tendencies (see chapter
11 for more on this). Similarly, if there is a problem, the masculine
style is to try to figure it out on one’s own—to ask for assistance would
be an admission of weakness. In general, men will overestimate their
abilities and display confidence in their skills that are often not
warranted by circumstances.
For women, it is the opposite: When there is failure, they tend to
blame themselves and look inward. If there is success, they are more
prone to look at the role of others in helping them. They find it easy to
ask for assistance; they do not see this as a sign of personal
inadequacy. They tend to underestimate their skills and are less prone
to the grandiose confidence that often fuels men.
For those with the masculine style, when it comes to learning and
improving yourself, it is best to reverse the order—to look inward when
you make mistakes and to look outward when you have success. You
will be able to benefit from experience by dropping the feeling that
your ego is so tied to the success of each action or decision you make.
Develop this reversal as a habit. Don’t be afraid of asking for help or
feedback; instead, make this a habit as well. Weakness comes from the
inability to ask questions and to learn. Lower your self-opinion. You
are not as great or skilled as you imagine. This will spur you to actually
improve yourself.

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For those with the feminine style, it is easy to beat yourself up after
failures or mistakes. The introspection can go too far. The same can be
said of ascribing success to others. Women more than men will suffer
from low self-esteem, which is not natural but acquired. They often
have internalized critical voices from others. Jung called these animus
voices: all the men over the years who have judged women for their
looks and intelligence. You want to catch these voices as they occur and
rid yourself of them. Because failures or criticisms might affect you too
deeply, you can become afraid to try something again, which narrows
your learning possibilities. You need to adopt more of the masculine
self-confidence, without the attendant stupidity. In your daily
encounters, try to drop or minimize your emotional responses to
events and see them from a greater distance. You are training yourself
to not take things so personally.