The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

Understand: What makes us develop these empathic powers is
necessity. If we feel our survival depends on how well we gauge the
moods and minds of others, then we will find the requisite focus and
tap into the powers. Normally we do not feel the need for this. We
imagine that we understand quite well the people we deal with. Life
can be harsh and we have too many other tasks to attend to. We are
lazy and prefer to rely upon predigested judgments. But in fact it is a
matter of life and death and our success does depend on the
development of these skills. We simply are not aware of this because
we do not see the connection between problems in our lives and our
constant misreading of people’s moods and intentions and the endless
missed opportunities that accrue from this.
The first step, then, is the most important: to realize you have a
remarkable social tool that you are not cultivating. The best way to see
this is to try it out. Stop your incessant interior monologue and pay
deeper attention to people. Attune yourself to the shifting moods of
individuals and the group. Get a read on each person’s particular
psychology and what motivates them. Try to take their perspective,
enter their world and value system. You will suddenly become aware of
an entire world of nonverbal behavior you never knew existed, as if
your eyes could now suddenly see ultraviolet light. Once you sense this
power, you will feel its importance and awaken to new social
possibilities.
I do not ask the wounded person how he feels. . . . I myself become the
wounded person.
—Walt Whitman

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P
3
See Through People’s Masks
The Law of Role-playing
eople tend to wear the mask that shows them off in the best
possible light—humble, confident, diligent. They say the right
things, smile, and seem interested in our ideas. They learn to conceal
their insecurities and envy. If we take this appearance for reality, we
never really know their true feelings, and on occasion we are
blindsided by their sudden resistance, hostility, and manipulative
actions. Fortunately, the mask has cracks in it. People continually
leak out their true feelings and unconscious desires in the nonverbal
cues they cannot completely control—facial expressions, vocal
inflections, tension in the body, and nervous gestures. You must
master this language by transforming yourself into a superior reader
of men and women. Armed with this knowledge, you can take the
proper defensive measures. On the other hand, since appearances are
what people judge you by, you must learn how to present the best
front and play your role to maximum effect.