The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

Dislike/like cues:
Imagine the following scenario: Someone in a group
dislikes you, whether out of envy or mistrust, but in the group
environment they cannot express this overtly or they will look bad—
not a team player. And so they smile at you, engage you in
conversation, and even seem to support your ideas. At times you might
feel something is not quite right, but the signs are subtle and you forget
them as you pay attention to the front they present. Then suddenly, as
if out of the blue, they obstruct you or display an ugly attitude. The
mask has come off. The price you pay is not only difficulties in your

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work or personal life, but also the emotional toll, which can have a
lingering effect.
Understand: People’s hostile or resistant actions never come out
of the blue. There are always signs before they take any action. It is too
much of a strain for them to completely suppress such strong
emotions. The problem is not only that we are not paying attention but
also that we inherently do not like the thought of conflict or
disagreement. We prefer to avoid thinking about it and to assume that
people are on our side, or at least neutral. Most often, we feel
something is not quite right with the other person but ignore the
feeling. We must learn to trust such intuitive responses and to look for
those signs that should trigger a closer examination of the evidence.
People give out clear indications in their body language of active
dislike or hostility. These include the sudden squinting of the eyes at
something you have said, the glare, the pursing of the lips until they
nearly disappear, the stiff neck, the torso or feet that turn away from
you while you are still engaged in a conversation, the folding of the
arms as you try to make a point, and an overall tenseness in the body.
The problem is that you will not usually see such signs unless a
person’s displeasure has become too strong to conceal at all. Instead,
you must train yourself to look for the microexpressions and the other
more subtle signs that people give out.
The microexpression is a recent discovery among psychologists who
have been able to document its existence through film. It lasts less than
a second. There are two varieties of this: The first comes when people
are aware of a negative feeling and try to suppress it, but it leaks out in
a fraction of a second. The other comes when we are unaware of their
hostility and yet it shows itself in quick flashes on the face or in the
body. These expressions will be a momentary glare, tensing of the
facial muscles, pursing of the lips, the beginnings of a frown or sneer or
look of contempt, with the eyes looking down. Aware of this
phenomenon, we can look for these expressions. You will be surprised
at how often they occur, because it is nearly impossible to completely
control the facial muscles and repress the signs in time. You must be
relaxed and attentive, not obviously looking for them but catching
them out of the corner of your eye. Once you begin to notice such
expressions, you will find it easier to catch them.

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Equally eloquent are those signs that are subtle but can last for
several seconds, revealing tension and coldness. For instance, when
you first approach someone who harbors negative thoughts toward
you, if you surprise them by coming up on them from an angle, you will
clearly see signs of displeasure at your approach before they have had
time to fit on their affable mask. They are not so happy to see you and
it shows for a second or two. Or you are expressing a strong opinion
and their eyes begin to roll, which they try to quickly cover up with a
smile.
Sudden silence can say a lot. You have said something that triggers
a twinge of envy or dislike, and they cannot help but lapse into silence
and brood. They may try to hide this with a smile as they inwardly
fume. As opposed to simple shyness or having nothing to say, you will
detect definite signs of irritation. In this case, it is best to notice this a
few times before coming to any conclusions.
People will often give themselves away with the mixed signal—a
positive comment to distract you but some clearly negative body
language. This offers them relief from the tension of always having to
be pleasant. They are betting on the fact that you will tend to focus on
the words and gloss over the grimace or lopsided smile. Pay attention
as well to the opposite configuration—someone says something
sarcastic and pointed, directed at you, but they do this with a smile and
a jokey tone of voice, as if to signal it is all in good humor. It would be
impolite to not take it in this vein. But in fact, particularly if this occurs
a few times, you should pay attention to the words and not the body
language. It is their repressed way of expressing their hostility. Take
notice of people who praise or flatter you without their eyes lighting
up. This could be a sign of hidden envy.
In the novel The Charterhouse of Parma by Stendhal, Count Mosca
receives an anonymous letter designed to stir up jealous feelings about
his mistress, whom he is desperately in love with. In thinking over who
could have sent it, he recalls a conversation earlier that day with the
Prince of Parma. The prince was talking about how the pleasures of
power pale in comparison with the pleasures afforded by love, and as
he said this, the count detected a particularly malicious glint in his eye,
accompanied by an ambiguous smile. The words were about love in
general but the look was directed at him. From that he correctly
deduces that the prince had sent the letter; he could not completely
contain his venomous glee at what he had done, and it had leaked out.

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This is a variation on the mixed signal. People say something relatively
strong about a general topic, but with subtle looks they point at you.
An excellent gauge for decoding antagonism is to compare people’s
body language toward you and toward others. You might detect that
they are noticeably friendlier and warmer toward other people and
then put on a polite mask with you. In a conversation they cannot help
showing brief flashes of impatience and irritation in their eyes, but
only when you talk. Also keep in mind that people will tend to leak out
more of their true feelings, and certainly hostile ones, when they are
drunk, sleepy, frustrated, angry, or under stress. They will later tend to
excuse this, as if they weren’t themselves for the moment, but in fact
they were actually being more themselves than ever.
In looking for these signs, one of the best methods is to set up tests,
even traps for people. King Louis XIV was a master of this. He stood at
the top of a court in Versailles filled with members of the nobility
seething with hostility and resentment toward him and the absolute
authority he was trying to impose. But in the civilized realm of
Versailles they all had to be consummate actors and hide their feelings,