A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

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The 
Explosive 
Child 
A New Approach for Understanding 
and Parenting Easily Frustrated, 
Chronically Inflexible Children 
R
OSS 
W. G
REENE
, P
H
.D. 

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In memory of Irving A. Greene 

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Anyone can become angry, that is easy . . .
but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, 
at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right
way . . . this is not easy. 
—Aristotle 
If I am not for myself, who is for me? 
If I am only for myself, what am I? 
If not now, when? 
—Hillel 
Illusions are the truths we live by until we know better. 
—Nancy Gibbs 

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Contents 
Epigraph 
iii 
Acknowledgments 
vii 
Preface 
xi 
1 
The Waffle Episode 
1 
2 
Children Do Well If They Can 
11 
3 
Pathways and Triggers 
23 
4 
Pathways and Triggers Brought to Life 
49 
5 
The Truth About Consequences 
73 
6 
Plan B 
85 
v 

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vi 
Contents 
7 
Learning Curves 
131 
8 
Teach Your Children Well 
177 
9 
Family Matters 
205 
10 
Better Living Through Chemicals 
231 
11 
The Plan B Classroom 
243 
12 
Now Is the Time 
271 
Additional Resources and Support 
277 
About the Author 
Credits 
Cover 
Copyright 
About the Publisher 
Index 
283 

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Acknowledgments 
I 
would like to acknowledge the 
contributions of my valued colleague and friend, Dr. Stu-
art Ablon, whose insights and energy have been instru-
mental in the evolution of the Collaborative Problem 
Solving approach. I am also indebted, as always, to my 
agent and friend, Wendy Lipkind. 
My thinking about how to help explosive children 
and their adult caretakers has been influenced by many 
parents, teachers, and supervisors. It was my incredible 
good fortune to have been mentored by Dr. Thomas Ol-
lendick while I was a graduate student in the clinical psy-
vii 

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viii 
Acknowledgments 
chology program at Virginia Tech. Two psychologists 
who supervised me during my training years were partic-
ularly influential: Drs. George Clum at Virginia Tech and 
Mary Ann McCabe at Children’s National Medical Cen-
ter in Washington, D.C. And I probably wouldn’t have 
gone into psychology in the first place if I hadn’t stum-
bled across the path of Dr. Elizabeth Altmaier when I 
was an undergraduate at the University of Florida. 
However, those who were most central to the evolu-
tion of many of the ideas in this book, and to whom I 
owe the greatest debt of gratitude, were the many chil-
dren with whom I’ve worked and the parents who en-
trusted me with their care. 
I also want to acknowledge the countless people 
throughout the world who have embraced the Collabo-
rative Problem Solving approach and, against the odds 
but with vision and energy and relentless determination, 
have advocated for implementation of the approach in 
their schools, clinics, inpatient units, and residential and 
juvenile detention facilities. There are truly amazing 
people in this world who care deeply about improving 
the lives of children, and it has been my privilege to have 
crossed paths with many of you. 
This book is about children and families, and I’d be 
remiss if I didn’t acknowledge my own: my wife, Melissa; 
my kids, Talia and Jacob, who keep me laughing and 
learning and make sure I practice what I preach; and 
Sandy, the Big Black Dog. 

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Acknowledgments 
ix 
While there are many explosive girls, for ease of expo-
sition most of this book is written in the masculine gen-
der. The names and identifying information of all the 
children in this book are completely fictitious. Any re-
semblance to actual children of the same names is, as the 
saying goes, purely coincidental. 

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Preface 
W
elcome to the third edition 
of The Explosive Child. Much has happened since the 
first edition was published in 1998. To begin with, the 
approach described in these pages now has a name: Col-
laborative Problem Solving (CPS). And to make it easier 
for people to understand and implement, there have also 
been a variety of updates to the model, and these changes 
are presented in this edition. And there’s now a non-
profit organization—the Collaborative Problem Solving 
Institute—that has been established to help us reach out 
to more parents, teachers, and others who work with and 
xi 

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xii 
Preface 
care about explosive kids. And the Boston Red Sox won 
the World Series. 
This revised edition is still about the same kids: the 
ones who often exhibit extreme behaviors—intense 
temper outbursts, noncompliance, verbal and physical 
aggression—that make life extraordinarily challenging 
and frustrating for them, their parents, siblings, teachers, 
and others who interact with them. They have, of course, 
been described in many ways: difficult, challenging, will-
ful, manipulative, attention-seeking, contrary, intransi-
gent, unmotivated. They may carry any or many of 
various psychiatric diagnoses, such as oppositional-
defiant disorder (ODD), attention-deficit/hyperactivity 
disorder (ADHD), intermittent explosive disorder, 
Tourette’s disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, nonver-
bal learning disability, Asperger’s disorder, and obsessive-
compulsive disorder (OCD). But their behavior has typi-
cally been very poorly understood. 
For a long time the prevailing view of such behavior 
has been that it is the by-product of inept parenting 
practices. But research of the past two decades suggests 
that the difficulties of explosive children are a lot more 
complex than previously thought and may emanate from 
a variety of different factors. We’ve learned a lot about 
children’s brains in the last twenty years; it’s time for 
what we do to help them to be a reflection of what we 
now know about them. By the way, while the title of this 

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Preface 
xiii 
book suggests that the content is relevant only to chil-
dren who explode, the CPS model is applicable equally 
to children who withdraw, cry, or “implode.” 
In writing this and the first two editions of The Explo-