The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted
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The art of saying no
STRATEGY #3: REPLACE "NO"
WITH ANOTHER WORD S aying no can have negative effects, even if you do it with grace. For example, someone asking for your help might be offended if he or she associates the word “no” with a personal rejection. This individual might become angry if his or her ego is hurt by your response. These reactions can occur regardless of how tactful you are in declining the request. The word “no” carries an air of finality. Many people are ill-prepared to hear it, and lack the ability to accept it with poise and understanding. After repeatedly interacting with such folks, we learn that saying no to them is not only difficult, but also costly. Oftentimes, these people leave in anger and tell their peers that we’re inflexible and unwilling to help. This can burn bridges, jeopardize our reputations, and impact our careers. Is it any wonder that we have difficulty saying no to people? The good news is that it’s possible to decline requests without saying the word “no.” It’s just a matter of finding different ways to communicate the same message. For example, suppose a family member asks you to take him to the airport. You could simply say no and provide a sincere reason. If he’s sympathetic to your circumstances, that should suffice. But let’s say you know from past experience that he’s not sympathetic. He’s inclined to hear “no” as a personal rejection, and likely to be angered by it. To avoid this reaction, how else might you decline his request? Here are a few examples: I can’t commit to that right now because I’m focused on a high- priority project.” This response tells the family member that you’re busy and unable to break away from your work. I’d like to help you, but I’m swamped with this project right now.” This response lets the family member know that he’s important to you, but there’s a valid reason you’re unable to accommodate him. People are depending on me to finish this project. If I abandon it to help you, I’d be letting them down.” This response explains that you’re forced to decline the request because of a prior commitment. Most people would hesitate before asking you to desert your obligations. Notice how none of the above examples use the word “no.” It’s a difficult word to say because it’s a difficult word to hear. Turning down requests in ways that allow you to avoid saying no outright can help soften the blow. That can defuse any potential confrontation with the requestor. This approach can be effective for any type of request. It’ll work just as well when you’re asked for money as it will when you’re asked to devote your time or labor. |
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