The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted
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The art of saying no
BONUS STRATEGY #2: BE
COURTEOUS I t’s difficult to remain polite when a requestor becomes rude and demanding. It’s tempting to respond in kind, if only to show him or her that you’re not a pushover. It’s tough to suppress that impulse. But it’s also crucial if you want to manage how others perceive you. Respond in an uncivil manner, and you might hurt your career or harm the relationships you share with others. For example, suppose you respond impolitely to a coworker who has asked you for your help. He or she might consider you unprofessional and share that perspective with others in your office. Suppose a family member invites you to a party, and you decline with a snide remark. At the very least, his or her feelings are likely to be hurt. You can also assume he or she will share your response (with embellishments) to other family members. Let’s say a friend asks you to help him move. You dislike such requests because they make you feel taken for granted. You respond in frustration, turning down your friend in a rude, disrespectful way. Doing so is sure to impact your friendship (at least, until you apologize). You can be assertive and courteous at the same time. The former informs the requestor that you’re confident in your decisions. The latter shows him or her respect, which lessens the likelihood of a hostile response. Additionally, being courteous shows that you’re in control of yourself. You’re not prone to enraged outbursts. Instead, you maintain a businesslike professionalism that’s difficult to fault. For example, you might say: Thanks for asking me to help. I appreciate your confidence in me. The thing is, I’m swamped until 4:30 p.m. Can you follow up with me then?” This approach reduces tension, and thereby quashes the likelihood of a bitter reaction. By expressing your appreciation, you’re showing grace. By asking the requestor to follow up with you at a later time, one during which you’re available, you’re showing him or her a willingness to help, if only on your terms. When you say no to someone, courtesy and assertiveness work hand in hand. You’ll find that being courteous will encourage people to perceive you as respectful, compassionate, and attentive. These traits, in turn, will encourage them to accept your “no” at face value. |
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