The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Scarcity
These are anxious and fearful times, both of which breed scarcity. We’re afraid to lose what we love
the most, and we hate that there are no guarantees. We think not being grateful and not feeling joy will
make it hurt less. We think if we can beat vulnerability to the punch by imaging loss, we’ll suffer less.
We’re wrong. There is one guarantee: If we’re not practicing gratitude and allowing ourselves to
know joy, we are missing out on the two things that will actually sustain us during the inevitable hard
times.
What I’m describing above is scarcity of safety and uncertainty. But there are other kinds of
scarcity. My friend Lynne Twist has written an incredible book called The Soul of Money. In this book,
Lynne addresses the myth of scarcity. She writes,
For me, and for many of us, our fi rst wak i ng thought of the day i s “I di dn’t get enough sl eep.” The next one i s “I don’t have enough ti me.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automati cal l y before we even thi nk to questi on or exami ne
i t. We spend most of the hours and the days of our l i ves heari ng, expl ai ni ng, compl ai ni ng, or worryi ng about what we don’t have enough of … We don’t have enough exerci se. We don’t have enough work . We don’t have enough profi ts. We don’t have enough
power. We don’t have enough wi l derness. We don’t have enough week ends. Of course, we don’t have enough money—ever.
We’re not thi n enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not pretty enough or fi t enough or educated or successful enough, or ri ch enough—ever. Before we even si t up i n bed, before our feet touch the fl oor, we’re al ready i nadequate, al ready behi nd, al ready
l osi ng, al ready l ack i ng somethi ng. And by the ti me we go to bed at ni ght, our mi nds race wi th a l i tany of what we di dn’t get, or di dn’t get done, that day. We go to sl eep burdened by those thoughts and wak e up to the reveri e of l ack … What begi ns as a si mpl e
expressi on of the hurri ed l i fe, or even the chal l enged l i fe, grows i nto the great j usti fi cati on for an unful fi l l ed l i fe.
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As I read this passage, it makes total sense to me why we’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because
we’re starving from a lack of gratitude. Lynne says that addressing scarcity doesn’t mean searching
for abundance but rather choosing a mind-set of sufficiency:
We each have the choi ce i n any setti ng to step back and l et go of the mi ndset of scarci ty. Once we l et go of scarci ty, we di scover the surpri si ng truth of suffi ci ency. By suffi ci ency, I don’t mean a quanti ty of anythi ng. Suffi ci ency i sn’t two steps up from poverty
or one step short of abundance. It i sn’t a measure of barel y enough or more than enough. Suffi ci ency i sn’t an amount at al l . It i s an experi ence, a context we generate, a decl arati on, a k nowi ng that there i s enough, and that we are enough.
Suffi ci ency resi des i nsi de of each of us, and we can cal l i t forward. It i s a consci ousness, an attenti on, an i ntenti onal choosi ng of the way we thi nk about our ci rcumstances.
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Scarcity is also great fuel for the gremlins. In my earlier shame research and in this more recent
research, I realized how many of us have bought into the idea that something has to be extraordinary
if it’s going to bring us joy. In I Thought It Was Just Me, I write, “We seem to measure the value of
people’s contributions (and sometimes their entire lives) by their level of public recognition. In other
words, worth is measured by fame and fortune. Our culture is quick to dismiss quiet, ordinary,
hardworking men and women. In many instances, we equate ordinary with boring or, even more
dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous with meaningless.”
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I think I learned the most about the value of ordinary from interviewing men and women who have
experienced tremendous loss such as the loss of a child, violence, genocide, and trauma. The
memories that they held most sacred were the ordinary, everyday moments. It was clear that their
most precious memories were forged from a collection of ordinary moments, and their hope for
others is that they would stop long enough to be grateful for those moments and the joy they bring.
Author and spiritual leader Marianne Williamson says, “Joy is what happens to us when we allow
ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”

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