The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

The Little Adult Assumption
To soothe a toddler who is having a blowup, many parents are taught to
calmly acknowledge their child’s unhappy feelings and then gently
correct them: “Jane, I know you want the ball, but it’s Billy’s turn.
Remember we talked about sharing? So please give the ball back to
Billy. You can have the next turn. Okay?”
Sounds reasonable, but mature comments like those often backfire and
can make livid toddlers shriek even louder! That’s because little children
aren’t mini-adults. Their immature toddler brains struggle to understand
long sentences and to control their bursts of powerful emotions.
Psychologist Thomas Phelan, author of 1-2-3 Magic, calls our attempt
to use calm logic to soothe upset toddlers “the little adult assumption.”
By that he means we are expecting stressed-out toddlers to settle down
because of our explanations and our polite appeals to reason—which is
simply unrealistic. Too many parents believe their little ones should be

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able to turn off their emotions mid-tantrum and maturely reply, “Thank
you for explaining that, Mother. I’ll happily do what you want.”
Hmmm … I don’t think so!
You’ll be far more successful calming your upset tyke and getting his
cooperation if you replace adult-style statements with the simple, basic
phrases you’ll learn in Chapters
3
and
4
. And believe me, you’ll have
plenty of opportunity to practice this special approach over the next few
years, because even sweet, happy toddlers have emotional upsets several
times a day.
Why are toddlers so prone to outbursts? There are many reasons, but
here are the top four….
Your Toddler’s Four Big Struggles
We all know how tough it is to raise and civilize a toddler, but have you

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ever stopped to think how tough it is to BE a toddler?
From your toddler’s perspective, she is losing all day long! She’s
weaker, slower, and shorter than everyone else … and that’s just the
start of her challenges. Toddlers face four big struggles every day that
make it extra-hard for them to behave like little angels.
• Our modern world is weird to them.
• Their brains are out of balance.
• Their normal development can make them misbehave.
• Their temperaments can make them overreact.
Toddler Struggle #1: Our Modern World Is Weird to
Them.
We assume that living in a house or apartment is normal, but it’s
actually a very weird environment for toddlers. That’s because for 99.9
percent of human history, children spent most of every day
frolicking … outside.
Imagine inviting Tarzan to live with you. There’s a good chance he’d
go totally bonkers. Compared to his jungle home, yours delivers an
unpleasant double whammy: terribly dull in some ways, yet way too
exciting in other ways.
Similarly, our homes are both boring and overstimulating to our little
kids … at the same time. They’re boring because they replace the
exciting sensations of nature (the bright colors, the feeling of the wind
on their skin, the brilliant sun, the soft grass, etc.) with an immense
stillness (flat walls, flat floors, no wind, no fluttering shadows, no birds
chirping). Additionally, many traditional toddlers’ delights (running
after kids and dogs, throwing dirt clods, catching bugs, climbing trees)
are literally beyond reach.
When you think of it that way, it’s no wonder so many kids are
bouncing off the walls by late morning.

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Yet, at the same time our modern world can be too stimulating to
toddlers. It bombards them with jolting experiences that kids in the past
never had to deal with: crazy cartoons, slick videos, clanging computer
games, noisy toys, and bright colors everywhere. We may be used to all
this, but it can make many little children feel stressed.
As the day wears on, all this over- and understimulation can drive
many little kids over the edge into fatigue, irritation, and misbehavior.
Uh-oh! Tilt … tilt … tilt!
Toddler Struggle #2: Their Brains Are Out of
Balance.
Your toddler’s brain is like a buzzing beehive with twenty billion cells
and 50 percent more nerve connections than we have in our big heads!
All these connections mean millions—or billions—of signals zipping
around. “Go here!” “Go there!” “Touch it!” “No, don’t!” Yikes! No
wonder little kids spin out of control.
To help manage this whirlwind of mental activity, our brains are split
into a right half and a left. The two halves of the brain look alike but do
very different things. The left half is the methodical nerd of the nervous
system. It loves details: picking the right word, counting the toys, and
solving problems … step by step. It helps us listen carefully, be logical,
and stay calm.
The right half is the hyper “Speedy Gonzales” of the nervous system.
It’s great at quick decisions, instant face recognition, and bouncing to
the beat of any type of music. Unlike the thoughtful left side, the right
side is distractible, impulsive, and emotional.
The two halves of the brain are in pretty close balance in big kids and
adults, but the left side tends to be a bit more in control. Guess which
half runs the show in toddlers? Yup, you guessed it … the right. In fact,
your tot’s emotional right side is so busy and noisy it often ignores the
patient voice of the left side telling it to settle down.
And as if all that weren’t challenging enough, your toddler’s brain gets

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thrown even more off balance when she’s upset. Big emotions instantly
shut down the thoughtful left brain and dramatically amp up the
primitive right.
In truth, this same imbalance occurs in adults, too (that’s why we “go
ape” when we’re upset). But since toddlers are a whole lot more
impulsive to begin with, our little friends shriek, spit, crash into tables,
run into streets, and act even more like Neanderthals than usual when
they get upset.
Despite these difficulties, your toddler’s right brain has one absolutely
spectacular ability that will become one of your best tools for connecting
with her and civilizing and calming her, too: the capacity to respond to
“nonverbal” communication. Even when her immature left brain gets
hopelessly confused by your words, her right brain will have no problem
understanding your tone of voice, the look on your face, and your
gestures … even when she’s upset.
You don’t need to become a brain expert, but knowing a bit of science
will help you understand one very important point: Talking directly to
the right brain when your child is upset, by using your tone of voice,
gestures, and body language to mirror a bit of her emotion, is the key to
helping her calm back down. You’ll become an expert at this method
when you learn the Fast-Food Rule and Toddler-ese in
Chapter 3
.
By the end of your child’s toddler years, you’ll easily be able to see her
“new and improved” left brain taking more control. This will help her be
more verbal, more focused, and less likely to pop like a firecracker at

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every little frustration.