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5. Be Flexible: It’s Much Better to Bend Than to Snap
You just have to accept that some days you’re the
pigeon and some days you’re the statue.
Roger Anderson
There may be a few times in life when an unwillingness to
compromise is admirable—but after becoming a new parent isn’t
one of them. That’s why I believe the official bumper-sticker slogan
for all new parents should read, Be flexible—or die!
Part of the fun, and responsibility, of being a mom or dad is to be
able to choose which parenting options make sense to you and
works for your child. However, it’s also important to be able to
throw your choices out the window and start all over again when
things are not going the way you planned.
If you’re a person who enjoyed being organized, on time, and
having a spotless house, this new flexibility may require practice—
and deep breathing. But you may as well take it all with a sense of
humor because the time has come when your milk will gush down
the front of your favorite blouse and when your little darling will
empty her diaper load on your white sofa!
If you can, throw away your to-do list for a few months. Accept
that the clock on your wall has been temporarily transformed from a
time-management tool to a decoration. And know that for a while,
day and night will cease to have any true relevance.
You’ve “bought your ticket,” so let go and open yourself to the
marvel, awe, and exhilaration of one of the greatest adventures of
life!
6. Know Thyself: How Do Your Baby’s Cries Make You Feel?
When your baby screams in your face, are you able to calmly
think, He must be having a bad day? Or do you think, Oh, my
God, I’m doing something wrong! or I don’t deserve to be a mother!
Or even, Who the hell does she think she is?
There’s no question your baby’s screams may trigger a flood
of upsetting feelings from the past. You may suddenly

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remember voices of anger, criticism, and ridicule directed at
you long ago. And you may begin to get angry or defensive. Of
course, your newborn’s cries can’t possibly have a connection to
your past traumas. She’s much too young to feel anger or to be
able to criticize or manipulate you. However, fatigue and stress
can sometimes fool your mind and make these innocent cries
feel like stinging attacks.
This, too, is a normal part of being a new parent. When these
emotions well up inside you, take the opportunity to be brave
and share your feelings with your spouse or someone else who
truly cares about you. The more you discuss your past pains
and your current fears, the more clearly you’ll see how
unrelated your baby’s cries are to those old experiences.