The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

Making peace with your past
Debby was proud to go out to dinner for Mother’s Day
with her husband, Andy, and their three-year-old twins,
Sophie and Audrey. But her happiness turned to hurt
when the girls started fighting over who would sit next to
Andy: “I don’t want Mommy! I want Daddy!” She
unexpectedly felt the sting of rejection she remembered
from when she was a child and kids on the playground

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wouldn’t let her join in to play any of their games.
Remember, when we get mad or hurt, our rational left brain shuts
down and the emotional right side takes over. That’s why, in the heat of
the moment, it’s easy to forget that your toddler isn’t intentionally trying
to hurt or humiliate you. Your tot’s spitting, scratching, and defiance are
just the primitive acts of an immature, uncivilized little person who has
trouble controlling herself, and hasn’t learned to anticipate—or care—
how others feel.
A better response when your buttons get pushed
Sara Jane said, “The other day, I got so mad I threw the
remote control and broke it. I had angry parents, and I’m
so afraid of losing my temper with Kimmie. But something
inside me just snaps when she looks right at me and
disobeys. It’s like she’s daring me to do something!”
No parent wants to scream at her toddler, but sometimes anger just
erupts out of nowhere. I don’t want you to ignore your feelings, but it is
simply not okay to explode in front of your child. Your child can’t help
acting like a caveman, but you can … and must. It’s your responsibility
to do your utmost never to lash out with physical violence or hurtful
words.
Take a breath … forgive yourself (we all have old pains that make us
overreact) … and try to understand why you got so upset. Review the
outburst in your mind or write it down in a journal. Anger may be the
initial reaction to your child’s misbehavior, but anger is usually just a
shell that covers our deeper feelings, like fear, hurt, shame, or betrayal.
Try to find the hurt that’s under your anger. Your daughter’s words or
actions might have made you mad, but she is not the one who hurt you
in the past. Can you recall an early experience that triggered similar
feelings? Remembering will allow you to use your adult ability to
analyze these feelings and put them in proper perspective.
Once you realize which feelings lie beneath your anger, spend a minute

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to realize how unfair it was for you to have been treated in that way
when you were a child. But you will be a happier person, and a better
parent, if you can forgive those who caused you pain. Make your
peace … let go of the past … savor the present.
Those are the first healthy steps to parenting thoughtfully instead of
reactively.
So what should you do when your toddler does something that makes
your blood boil? Here are a few options:
• Scowl, clap your hands hard a few times, and make a rumbly
growl. Then, sternly say, “No!” (See
Clap-Growl Warnings:
for
more about this supereffective tactic.)
• Turn away for thirty seconds and take some deep breaths (see
magic breathing
).
• Put your child in a safe place, then go punch the mattress or
scream into a pillow.
And if you find yourself getting flaming mad over and over again, here
are some smart strategies to help you keep your cool:
• Talk about your painful feelings and memories with someone
you trust.
• Get more help at home or put your tot in preschool.
• Don’t spread yourself thin. Look for ways you can lighten your
load a little.
• Plan some fun little treats every day (even if it‘s just a ten-
minute break for reading a magazine).
• Get more sleep.
• Ask your doctor or spiritual counselor about support groups and
other resources.

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And if you do lose your temper with your child, use it as an opportunity
to “turn lemons into lemonade.” Apologize as soon as you cool down.
Then, later in the day, take a moment to calmly talk about how you wish
you and she had behaved, and remind her that you’ll have plenty of
chances to practice getting it right and that your love is way stronger
than anger.