The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

Pick Limits You Can Enforce
Some limits are hard to enforce. For example, it may be impossible
to make a child eat broccoli, poop on the potty, or overcome fears.
Picking battles you can’t win may challenge your child to be more
rebellious (“You can’t make me!”). So when you sense you’re getting
into a struggle that you can’t win, it’s time to switch from giving
warnings to using some good old charm, compromise, and ingenuity
(discussed later in the chapter).
In truth, a bit of defiance is not so bad! Most parents want their
kids to learn that being tenacious in their beliefs and skilled in their
ability to persuade others is a good thing.

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Yellow-Light Skill #3: Forging Win-Win
Compromises
Turning a won’t-won’t into a win-win.
We’re often told we should force our kids to obey. Sure, you are bigger
and stronger, but trying to crush your child’s acts of defiance can
backfire, stunting her confidence or triggering her desire for revenge.
Please remember, parental bullying is not a win-win—it’s a lose-lose. Your
child loses dignity and you hurt your relationship.
Your ultimate goal as a parent is not to win any one particular fight or
another, but rather to win your child’s love and respect for a lifetime.
That’s why, even when you disagree with her, it’s best to acknowledge
your tot’s desire and then try to find a way you both can win!
In fact, even toddlers know that fairness is a two-way street: You want
this? Then give me that! That’s why little kids love win-win deals.
Sound hard? Actually, it’s pretty easy … and fun!
Baby Steps—Finding a Good
Compromise … One Step at a Time
Toddlers have trouble with giant leaps, but they’re great at baby
steps.
If you get into fights over tooth brushing, for example, you’ll be
much more successful if you break your goal into some smaller baby

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steps. For example, consider it a tiny success when your child lets
you touch the toothbrush to his lips or teeth. Cheer, “Yea! All done.
Gimme five! Let’s go read some fun books!” Promptly reward this
mini-cooperation with a quick dollop of fun. (I know you can’t do a
good cleaning in a second, but that’s okay. It’s a good baby step of
progress.)
Over a few days, gradually increase the time you are touching to
a fast count of three, and within days you’ll be able to brush the
teeth for a few seconds. Your next baby step is to increase the
brushing to several seconds. Always end with a cheer and a little
reward of fun (“feeding the meter”).
But what if your toddler won’t let you get a brush anywhere near
his mouth? Don’t fight! This is not a battle you can win. Instead,
take even smaller baby steps and connect with respect. Aim for his
“sweet spot” so he knows you really get his message: “No mouth …
no mouth!” And throw in some playing the boob. “Okay, you win!
You always win! No more brush. Let’s get pj’s on. Oh, wait! I forgot.
I have to brush your knee really fast. Let’s count: One, two! All
done! Uh-oh … silly Mommy, I forgot. I have to brush your foot
superfast too.” (Throw in some extra boob fun by searching around
for his foot in his pockets, asking, “Hey, where’s your foot?
Pleeease, help me find your foot!”) Then, when you’re finished,
cheer, “Yea! All done! Let’s read a book.”
Now—this is important—practice this a few times every day,
adding new baby steps little by little. “Okay, now the other knee.
Now we brush this arm. Oh yeah, and that arm. And fingers. Now
your thumb. Where’s your thumb? Other thumb. Ear. Other ear.”
Briefly touch the brush to each place. Then say, “Yea! All done!
Gimme a hard five!” And play the boob by howling and hopping in
pretend pain when he does it. Within a week or two, you’ll be doing
some top-notch tooth brushing!

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