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“When my two-year-old, Aidan, arrives at school he
usually shrieks, ‘I want Mama!’ and he won’t exit the car.
So I help him by narrating his feelings with a bit of
intensity to hit his sweet spot: ‘No, Mama! No, no, no! No
school! No teacher Chris! No teacher Cindy! No friends! I
want Mama! No school!’
“By then, he usually starts calming, and I offer a
compromise: ‘Okay, okay. No problem! But we have to tell
teacher Chris that Aidan says, “No school today.” So let’s
go. You carry teddy for me, okay?’
“At this point Aidan always leaves the car with me.
Once inside school, we stop and play a little or chat with
the teacher. Most days, he quickly gets involved in the
buzz of activity and his friends and kisses me good-bye in
just five or ten minutes!”
Mari’s words make Aidan feel accepted and safe. The little

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compromise she offers shows her respect and helps persuade him to exit
the car and enter the school without a fight.
Luckily, Mari has the time to either wait with Aidan or take him home
if he continues crying. But many other parents don’t have that luxury;
they must leave their child in order to go to work. If that’s your situation,
use a combination of some of the tools that have been described in
earlier chapters and practice them first at home, so they’ll work better in
a stressful situation.

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Tools to Handle Separation Worries
Patience-Stretching.
Practice the following three techniques for
several days to help prepare your child for easier separations. Start with
a few seconds and gradually increase to a minute. She’ll quickly learn
that waiting is cool because when she’s patient she usually gets what she
wants (see
Teaching Patience: Patience-Stretching
).
Fairy Tales.
Prepare your child for what is to come by telling little
stories in which Mommy goes away … but always comes back.