The Rules of Life

partner feels she is encouraged and trusted, she is much less
likely to “stray” or want out because she feels hemmed in or
caged. The more supportive you are, the more she will feel she
is being treated kindly, and that is a good thing.
But what if you disagree with what your partner wants to do?
Then you have to look at your own stuff, I’m afraid. You see,
your partner is a separate human being and entitled to do
pretty well whatever she wants to do—assuming it isn’t hurt-
ful to you or in any serious way jeopardizes the relationship
(such as sleeping with other people or committing crimes)—
and it is your role to be supportive. You may need to question
what it is about what she wants to do that you find hard to go
along with. This might be more about you than your partner.

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Ask yourself—if she does this, if she goes ahead, what’s the
worst that can happen? She makes a mess of your floor, ruins
part of the garden, spends money on something you don’t
really want, isn’t around much for a week. Now compare that
to the thought of her leaving or living with you frustrated and
unhappy. Which is worse? 
Of course, just because your partner says she wants to do
something doesn’t mean she will. Some very stubborn types
will, however, be more likely to go ahead and do it just
because you’re objecting to everything they mention. Say “yes”
and they might well never bother anyway. 
If you look ahead to Rule 64, you will read about how you
should treat your partner better than your best friend, and
being supportive is part of this. We forget that our partner is a
separate entity. We forget that our partner, too, has dreams and
plans and unfulfilled ambitions. It is our job to encourage our
partner to find their path, to realize those ambitions, to stretch
herself to her fullest extent, to be complete and satisfied and
fulfilled. It is not our job to put her down, ridicule her
dreams, belittle her plans, or laugh at her ambitions. It is not
our job to discourage her, put her off, place obstacles in her
path, or restrict her in any way. It is our job to encourage our