The Rules of Life

party this poor kid had ever been invited to. What’s that? His
behavior? Oh, he was a little angel and didn’t put a foot
wrong. In your dreams. He behaved true to type, and I was
heard muttering, “Never again; he never comes here again,”
for many weeks afterward. No, seriously he played up a bit
and wrecked the place, but no more than any of the others
did. One of the others, a supposedly good kid, was caught fill-
ing one of my wellington boots with cheese sandwiches and
jelly—secondhand if you get my drift.
R U L E 8 4
I F O U R C H I L D I S H A N G I N G
O U T W I T H OT H E R K I D S
T H AT T E S T O U R
TO L E R A N C E ,
I T ’ S A G O O D T H I N G .

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Your Role as a Child
R U L E 8 5
So, you’re a grown-up now and probably don’t recognize your-
self as a child. But you are still a child, although you’ll get
strange looks if you park in a “parents with children” space if
you happen to go shopping with your mother or father.
Until both of your parents are passed on and you have been
promoted, so to speak, you remain a child. And you have a
responsibility. You have a duty—now you are a Rules Player—
to be courteous, thoughtful, patient, and cooperative toward
your parents. 
Yes, yes, I know they drive you mad, but from now on you
have a role and it is simply this:
• To behave impeccably with them
• To look after them if that’s what they want/need
• To back off if that’s what they want/need
• To listen to them when they chatter on, without losing
your patience or sighing
• To appreciate that they have had a long and hard life and
gathered a lot of experience—some of which may be of
some use to you—and you won’t know if you carry on
shaking your head and ignoring everything they say
• To visit, write, phone, communicate more often than you
think you should—but probably not as much as they
think you should
• Not to bad mouth them in front of your children but to
talk them up as being the greatest grandparents in the
world

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• To be pleased when they come to stay and happily let
them watch whatever TV program they want without
complaining
And why will you do all this? Because they gave you life,
brought you up. Yes, yes, I know they made mistakes along
the way but you forgive them all of them (see Rule 70) and
you turned out fine. Oh yes you did.
Parents deserve decent treatment when they get old and need
attention and someone to listen to them and take them 
seriously—and they make great baby/dog sitters (and usually
free as well).
R U L E 8 5
YO U H AV E A D U T Y
TO B E C O U R T E O U S ,
T H O U G H T F U L , A N D
C O O P E R AT I V E TOWA R D
YO U R PA R E N T S .

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Your Role as a Parent
R U L E 8 6
Gosh, this is a tough one. You have a role and it is important,
but how do we define it, make it real for you, so that you can
live by it, put it into practice?
If you are crazy enough to take on the role of parent, then you
are signing an invisible contract with your children to give and
get them the very best of everything you can. And I don’t nec-
essarily mean material possessions. Your mission, should you
choose to accept it, is to be all that the very best parenting
requires. You will be encouraging, supportive, kind, patient,
educational, loyal, honest, caring, and loving.
You will have to make sure they eat the best food for develop-
ing children. You will supply them with the best education for
their talents and skills. You will aim to develop their interests
in all areas and not just the ones you are keen on. You will set
clear boundaries so they know what’s what, and what they can
and can’t do—and with clear and acceptable levels of disci-
pline should they overstep the mark. You will adjust your
degree of supervision to match their age—little ones need
closer supervision than big ones. You will always provide a
safe haven for them to come home to—no matter how much
trouble they’ve got themselves into in the big bad world 
outside.
You will be firm, loving, sharing, caring, and responsible. You
will set them standards and be a role model to them. You won’t
do or say anything you wouldn’t be proud of them knowing.
You will stand up for them, protect them, and keep them safe.

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You will stretch their imaginations and feed them with stimuli
so they grow up creative, excited about the world, and raring
to go.
You will approve of them, boost their self-esteem, improve
their confidence, and send them out into the world literate,
educated, polite, helpful, and productive members of society.
And when the time comes for them to leave the nest, you will
help them pack and keep giving that support while they find
their feet (or should that be wings?).
Not much then, really.
R U L E 8 6
YO U R M I SS I O N ,
S H O U L D YO U C H O O S E
TO AC C E P T I T ,
I S TO B E A L L T H AT T H E
V E R Y B E S T PA R E N T I N G
R E Q U I R E S .

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