The seven habits of highly effective people

Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal 
 
   When we make withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account, we need to apologize and we need 
to do it sincerely.    Great deposits come in the sincere words 
   "I was wrong." 
   "That was unkind of me." 
      "I showed you no respect." 
      "I gave you no dignity, and I'm deeply sorry." 
      "I embarrassed you in front of your friends and I had no call to do that.    Even though I wanted to 
make a point, I never should have done it.    I apologize." 
      It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's heart rather than out of 
pity.    A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and 
values in order to genuinely apologize. 
      People with little internal security can't do it.    It makes them too vulnerable.    They feel it makes 
them appear soft and weak, and they fear that others will take advantage of their weakness.  Their 
security is based on the opinions of other people, and they worry about what others might think.    In 
addition, they usually feel justified in what they did.    They rationalize their own wrong in the name of 
the other person's wrong, and if they apologize at all, it's superficial. 
   "If you're going to bow, bow low," say Eastern wisdom.  "Pay the uttermost farthing," says the 
Christian ethic.    To be a deposit, an apology must be sincere.    And it must be perceived as sincere. 
      Leo Roskin taught, "It is the weak who are cruel.    Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. 
 

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THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE                                                                        Brought to you by FlyHeart 
      I was in my office at home one afternoon writing, of all things, on the subject of patience.    I could 
hear the boys running up and down the hall making loud banging noises, and I could feel my own 
patience beginning to wane. 
      Suddenly, my son David started pounding on the bathroom door, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Let 
me in! Let me in!" 
      I rushed out of the office and spoke to him with great intensity.    "David, do you have any idea how 
disturbing that is to me?    Do you know how hard it is to try to concentrate and write creatively?    Now 
you go into your room and stay in there until you can behave yourself."    So in he went, dejected, and 
shut the door. 
      As I turned around, I became aware of another problem.    The boys had been playing tackle football 
in the four-foot-wide hallway, and one of them had been elbowed in the mouth.    He was lying there in 
the hall, bleeding from the mouth.    David, I discovered, had gone to the bathroom to get a wet towel 
for him.    But his sister, Maria, who was taking a shower, wouldn't open the door. 
   When  I  realized  that  I  had completely misinterpreted the situation and had overreacted, I 
immediately went in to apologize to David. 
      As I opened the door, the first thing he said to me was, "I won't forgive you." 
   "Well, why not, honey?" I replied.  "Honestly, I didn't realize you were trying to help your brother.   
Why won't you forgive me?" 
   "Because you did the same thing last week," he replied.  In other words, he was saying.  "Dad, 
you're overdrawn, and you're not going to talk your way out of a problem you behaved yourself into." 
   Sincere apologies make deposits; repeated apologies interpreted as insincere make withdrawals.  
And the quality of the relationship reflects it. 
   It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another thing not to admit it.  People will forgive 
mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgment.  But people will not easily 
forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of 
the first mistake.