Trump Discusses Reopening the Country After Coronavirus Lockdown

Trump Discusses Reopening the Country After Coronavirus Lockdown (audio + text )

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-Welcome to "Late Night" how's everyone doing? Did your kids like their Easter basket of loose Tic Tacs from your purse?

Yeah, mine too. In that case, let's get to the news.

President Trump said over the weekend that his decision to re-open the country and economy would be the, "toughest decision that he will ever make." And that's coming from a guy who once had to fire Meat Loaf.

Couldn't have been easy for Trump to fire a guy, named after food. During a Coronavirus Task Force press briefing on Friday,

President Trump said that he was already thinking about dates for re-opening the country from the coronavirus lockdown, but added that he would defer to experts.

Experts, or as most people call them, pillow salesmen.

The Trump administration is reportedly expecting and planning on re-opening the country on May first as in, the coronavirus will eventually die out, but you may first.

[ Chuckles ]

Alex Bayes wrote that cheer-you-upper. According to reports, President Trump threatened to veto the $2 trillion coronavirus economic package if it bailed out the postal service.

Oh, my God, would you just,

I don't know put him on a stamp or something? Tell him it's for the postal services' ode to hotties.

[ As Trump ] Oh, yeah.

No, in that case give them whatever they need. Who else got a stamp?

Hasselhoff? Yeah, that's fair. Very fair.

[ Normal voice ] In a video message yesterday, President Trump wished Americans a Happy Easter and said,

"We have a lot to be thankful for."

A lot to be thankful for?

We're all on lockdown due to a global pandemic.

The only things we have to be thankful for are medical professionals, and hard liquor.

Today was national Scrabble day.

And so was yesterday. And probably so is tomorrow. Day after.

Producers have been asked if the release of the "'Friends' Reunion Special has been delayed due to the coronavirus pandemic. Truly, no one told them life was gonna be this way.

[ Claps ]

I think that was right.

According to a new report, illegal marijuana sales in New York have risen by 50% during the lockdown. And the best part is,

now your dealer doesn't want to stay and hang out.

You sure? You don't want some of this weed you just sold me?

Nah. Nah, man. I'm gonna hit it. Got "Planet Earth" on Blu-ray,

you wanna stick around?

You always stick around. Nah, I'm gonna go.

And finally, a woman at the New Orleans Airport was arrested over the weekend for obscenity after she tried to book a flight at the Spirit Airlines counter while naked, nice try, lady.

But if you want to fly Spirit, you're gonna have to at least put on a pair of socks.