Twisted Hate: An Enemies with Benefits Romance

Remember when I said I forgive you? I lied.
The balloon popped with the swiftness of an assassin’s blade.
Josh wasn’t cruel. He didn’t manipulate people’s feelings for fun. But last
week, he could’ve given Alex a run for his money in the cruelty department.
What if this was another one of his twisted games? He said everything I
wanted to hear, but I didn’t trust his sudden one-eighty. A week wasn’t long
enough for someone to get over the fury he’d displayed.
“For me, or for my tight pussy?” I asked, quoting him. My chin wobbled.
“That’s my best quality, right?”
Pain slashed across his face. “Jules…”
“It’s not fair for you to do this.” My vow not to cry splintered as a tear
scalded my cheek. “Just because I just fucked up doesn’t mean you can keep
torturing me. We have to move on.”
A low growl rumbled from his chest.
Josh rubbed the tear away with his thumb, his touch infinitely gentle, but
his eyes blazed with intensity. “There’s no fucking moving on,” he growled.
“Not for me. Not for us.”
“You kicked me out of your house last week.” Fresh hurt strangled my
lungs. “You fucked me, then you tossed me aside just like everyone else.”
He’d been angry, and rightfully so. But the memory of his words…the
look in his eyes…
He weaponized the biggest insecurity I had and turned it against me.
Josh blanched, and the pain on his face sharpened into something so
visceral it would’ve broken down my resistance had I not been so terrified.
As much as I wanted Josh back, I couldn’t put myself in a situation to be
used or manipulated again.
“It’s been one week. What changed?” Another tear slipped down my

---

cheek. “Do you miss the sex? Is that it?”
“No! That’s not…” Josh pushed a hand through his hair. “I admit, I
reacted poorly when you told me the truth. More than poorly. I was
blindsided, and I was so fucked in the head from everything that happened
the past few years that I lashed out in the cruelest way I think of.” His
Adam’s apple bobbed from the force of his swallow.
“Everyone I trusted has lied to me. But you…I told you things I’ve never
told anyone. Things that hurt to admit even to myself. Your betrayal hit
harder than any of the others combined, but that was my mistake. Thinking it
was a betrayal when you were also the only person who’s ever told me the
truth of your own accord. You didn’t wait until you were caught, even though
you probably could’ve kept it a secret forever and I would’ve never found
out. And I…” His voice cracked. “I was an idiot. And I’m sorry. And I lo—”
“Stop.” I couldn’t breathe. “Let me go. Please.”
I needed to think. To process. There was too much going on, and I
couldn’t…I couldn’t…
I sucked in another shallow inhale. It did nothing to clear my light-
headedness.
“I can’t.” Agony scraped his voice raw. “I’ll do anything you want except
that.” Josh lowered his mouth, his heart a wild drum against mine. I turned
before he made contact, terrified that if I gave even an inch, he’d take all of
me and break the few whole parts I had left.
He froze, his breaths heavy with regret. “There’s no letting you go, Red.
It would be easier if you asked me to tear my heart out with my own fucking
hands.” He rubbed another tear from my face. “Yes, you made a mistake, but
I was cruel, and I said things I never should’ve said.”
Josh buried his face in my neck. Dampness touched my skin, and I
realized I wasn’t the only one crying.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. “For reacting the way I did. For lashing out
at you when you tried to do the right thing. For not choosing you the way you
deserve when you’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”
A small sob rose in my throat.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He whispered the mantra as he trailed
soft kisses up my neck and over my jaw. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Josh reached my mouth and hovered there, seeking permission. Seeking
forgiveness.
I stared at the floor, my eyes burning with the effort to hold back hope.

---

“Please.” His ragged plea shredded my resistance. “Tell me what to do,
Red. I’ll do anything.”
“I…” Between yesterday’s incident with Max, sitting for the bar exam,
and the way Josh scrambled my brains every time he was near, I couldn’t
think properly. A dull ache formed behind my temples and blurred my vision.
“I need space. I just need to…I need…”
Every breath brought in less and less oxygen.
I wanted to believe Josh, and I certainly wasn’t blame-free in our mess.
Wasn’t I the one who wanted him to forgive me for lying?
But now that the moment had come, some infuriating, intangible thing
prevented me from fully embracing the situation.
What if he was lying again?
What if I made another mistake and he walked away for good?
What if he woke up one day and decided he made a mistake?