Be who you needed when you were young…

Be who you needed when you were young…
He is sitting alone in the dark with tears in his eyes. That feeling. Emptiness. It is right there in his chest. It is not darkness in his heart but emptiness, waiting for the sun. He is experienced surgeon who saved the lifes of many people, he is the reason why someone’s father or son is alive but he can not find the cure for the invisible wound in his heart. Although the wound is unseeable, every single day it hurts stronger than a heart attack. If a person suffers from heart attack more than two times, he/she may go out of life. Inspite of having ache in his heart for 30 years, he is still breathing. He likes remembering the days when he was happy bacause sometimes the things we remember are more real than the things we see. My story is about the boy(Sardor) who became a hero he needed in his childhood.
Sardor’s father is a builder and he does not have parents. He grew up in orphanage, and his mother is a housewife. By far the most important thing is that they are happy. His father works 12 hours in a day and Sardor always waites for his father till the midnight because when he arrives home, they count the stars together lying down on grass. In the end, Sardor falls asleep listening to the heart beats of his father. When autumn comes, he will be the 3^rd grade pupil at school. During this summer holiday, he has already eaten apples from neighbour’s garden, slept in the place where he hid himself when playing “Berkinmachoq” with his friends, and fallen from the tree many times. He loves his neighbour Quyoshoy. And, they are classmates. But there is a thing that he loves it more than Quyoshoy. My hero loves eating achichuk from a bowl with spicy pepper in summer. Drinking hot tea after a bowl of spicy achichuk sets a fire in his mouth and he loves it. Listening to the birds’ song in the morning is his favourite activity. In the morning he drinks fresh milk and eats hot bread which is baked in tandir by his mother. At first, he smells hot bread because it is the most enjoyable thing in the world.Then, Sardor plays, swims in the lake located near his house, climbs up the trees, rides a bike, he does whatever he wants as all of us when we were too young. He is fan of his summer vocations because some time he spends in his grandparents’ house(parents of his mother) in the countryside. The house is surrounded by acres of lush green fields and has a small pond in the back. He and his friends spend hours splashing around in the cool water and catching fish with their bare hands.
One day his father came home really early than ordinary days. When they asked the reason, he said that he had fallen down from the second floor while he had been painting the front walls of a high building. And, he had wanted to sleep more because of the strong ache in the backside of his head. In addition, he told them everything was great. After some months, he was feeling sick but he did not use to tell it to his family. He was the only person who earns. Unfortunately, in the course of time, he could not stand up because of pain. After that, he went to consultation and the doctor told him that there was a swelling in his head. From this day, he was not able to continue his job. They spent all the cash during three monthes. Then, his wife started cooking cakes and biscuits for their neighbours and worked as a cleaner. But this amount of money was not enough to buy daily pills.After all, relatives of his wife lent money for his recovery and medicine. Sardor was not informed about his father’s illness. So, he used to ask money for chocolate and ice cream from his father. His father used to feel sorry every given day that he was not able to earn money anymore. His wife and son were drinking only milk because there was nothing to cook meal in their house. He could not stand it, then, sold all his medicine and bought four kilogramms of meat, fruits, some flour, eggs and ice cream for his son and many products which is important for daily cooking. He said “ I lent money for shopping from my friend” to his family.
Sardor said: “ Thank you dad for the ice cream and meat, it has beean a long time since I ate them!”.
His father: “ Sorry my angel” with tears in his tired eyes.
It is the end of September and autumn started showing its beautiful signs, leaves started changing color,many birds have flied south to warmer climates and damp weather provides ideal conditions for fungi to grow… and my hero was coming back home after finishing his long school lessons. Suddenly, he saw a crowd near his house and all of them were men who were wearing do’ppi and qiyiqcha. He knows, males wear this type of clothes in funerals. He ran… Ran… He was watching everything as a slow-mode action. When he got there, his unckle hugged him too tight. He did not understand anything until he saw his father with white tie around his jaw and he was lying down without moving and with a smile on his face. At first, he could not cry,after realising what is happening he could not stop crying. He shouted at death like death could hear him,”This is not fair”.And he asked thousand whys. All his questions, doubts, and fears were answered with silence. Between the anger, there was heartbreak and disbelief when he heard his father passed away. This can not be real. But this nightmare of grief was reality. And the reality is he lost someone he loved. He will never know the reasons as to why. Yet, he does not think that there is an explanation that would make this feel okay. Love has been filled with grief. What once was, can no longer be. And while the anger fades, the wishing him were here never does. So, his cry was different from others. He cried silently without saying any word( Silence is the most powerful scream).
Everything changed. Nothing is like as it was. It is true that, he was a little boy afraid of the big wide world but it was over. His childhood was finished. He decided to be a doctor and to find the treatments of different illnesses. He promised to himself that one day he will be a doctor and will save many father’s lifes with his knowledge and experience. He always wants to listen to the heartbeats of his father again and again. He wants to hug him too tight. His mother was really depressed. Her eyes are tired. She can not smile. She does not sleep. As the months passed, however, the painful feelings came in waves. Sadness, anger, anxiety, and a whole bunch of other jumbled emotions would come and go. She might laugh one minute only to later feel guilty that she was having fun just two minutes later.
Sardor started his career from the young-age. He studied really hard to get his dreams. Every night he sits in the dark and thinks of his childhood memories and he is addicted to it. Memories are dangerous things. we turn them over and over, until we know every touch and corner, but still we will find an edge to cut us. We can close our eyes to reality but not to memories.When life got hard, Sardor and his mother did not wish it to be easier, they decided to be stronger. He always used to have conversations with his father imagining he was there. Sardor passed the exams of universty successfully and continued working at bakery. His duty was baking different types of breads. He rarely sleeps. If he has free time, he admires writing poems about his father. And, he used to have warm and long conversations with his mother. For example, it is one of his poems.
I never got the chance to say I love you,
I never got the chance to say I will miss you.
Nobody told me that you were going to die,
It hurts, I never said Good-bye.
Where are you know, please talk to me,
Show yourself and let me see.
I know that can not happen no matter how much I try,
All I wanted to do is to say Good-bye.
I hope that you are happy wherever you are,
I have you in my heart no matter how far.
To the heavens above, I wish I could fly.
Only to give you a warm Good-bye.
I will remember you each day that I live,
You were such a good person with so much to give.
Such a previlege to have known you, no one can deny,
I think it might be time to say Good-bye.
I will keep with me the good times that we shared,
I want you to know just how much I really cared.
Till we met again, on God we must rely,
I love you, I miss you and for now, Good-bye.
After being informed about medicine and human body, Sardor changed his job. He became a nurse at hospital. After getting bachelor’s degree, he studied master’s degree too. He married to his first love Quyoshoy. They had a daughter with curly hair. Day by day he improved his experience and worked hard on himself. Finally, he achieved the great results, he got his dream. He is the master of his job but many hospitals rejected his CVs because they recruited their close ones. He never gave up and proved his talent with the help of his knowledge. However, the wound in his heart is not cured despite his job. And, he loves sitting in the dark…
In my story I did not give names for Sardor’s father and mother because as all we know, the words FATHER and MOTHER give deep meanings. In our real life, actually, we do not call our parents with their names. We say “My DAD” and “My MUM”. As I said above Sardor’s father grew up in charity-school. Inspite of not feeling the parent’s love, he could be a great father. His wife used to work as a cleaner and did what she could in order to make any chance which is good for her husband. In my opinion, girls should study and they are able to be a master in any job. Because women do not think that their job is the only resource of making money. They give their all to be beneficial individuals and to make any improvement for the nation.
Whatever happens in our life, we should follow our dreams. A winner- is a dreamer who never gives up. My hero stopped downgrading his dream to match his destiny. And, on the other side of his struggle,was some sort of success.
My hero’s invisible wound in his chest helps and motivates him to be a great person. He somehow fills this emptiness by gaining knowledge to be more experienced doctor.
Many people try to hide their weaknesses and ashamed of them, but they are our super power. We should list our weaknesses and work on them. By doing that, we make progress and feel more confidence like my hero. He could give up and might be an useless person but he kept working on and his weakness encouraged him to move forward. I think that our weaknesses are more stronger then our strengths.
It is the best idea to appreciate our family members, friends because of their existance. Nobody could ever replace them.
My story is filled with broken pieces, terrible choices, and ugly truths. It is also filled with a major comeback.
Group №: 2218
Student: Sirojiddinova Yulduz