Charity begins at home

How they respond in slightly uncomfortable situations

Once, I was standing in line and overheard the man in front of me ask for queso on his burrito. The employee didn’t hear him, so the man’s partner looked at him as if to say, “Aren’t you going to repeat yourself?” But he didn’t. Why? Because he’d have to experience the slightest social friction. It’s a low-stakes example, but situations like these can be a clue to how a person moves through their life — and how they’d handle the bigger things, where the social friction is greater. Are they willing to be a bit uncomfortable, or will they stay quiet because it feels safer?
How they respond to the good fortune of others
Back when Peyton Manning won his second Super Bowl, a funny meme made the rounds: A photo of his brother Eli, whose facial expression seemed to indicate that he wasn’t too thrilled. “Crap, what am I going to brag about at Thanksgiving now?” one tweet captioned him thinking. To figure out whether a person tends to support or envy those who are successful, watch their facial expressions or listen to the subtle hints in their language. A “concern troll” is someone who disingenuously expresses concern about something when they’re really just trying to undermine a person. Imagine someone talking about how they made a bunch of money with their latest business venture, and then another person responds by saying, “Gosh, you’re going to have to pay a lot in self-employment taxes. Make sure you’re saving.” Ask yourself whether their intention is to help out, or to throw a bit of shade.
How they frame their responsibilities and challenges
Do you “have to” work on the technical aspects of your business, or do you “get to” learn valuable technical skills to help your business grow? When you listen to people talk about the things on their plate, you can get a sense of whether they view life through a lens of victimhood or of agency. Language is powerful.
How they respond to the phrase “How’ve you been?” or “What’s new?”
Many people give the default responses: “good,” “okay,” or “same ‘ol.” You want to gra toward people who always seem to be up to something. The ones who light up when they talk about their side projects, cool hobbies, or ideas they’ve been thinking about.