When he is available, instead of asking him twenty questions or demanding that he talk, she
could let him know that she appreciates him even if he just listens. In the beginning she should
even discourage him from talking.
For example, Maggie could say "Jeff, would you listen to me for a while? I've had a hard day
and I want to talk about it. It will make me feel much better." After Maggie talked for a couple
of minutes then she could pause and say "I really appreciate when you listen to my feelings, it
means a lot to me." This appreciation encourages a man to listen more.
Without appreciation and encouragement, a man may lose interest because he feels as though
his "listening" is "doing nothing." He doesn't realize how valuable his listening is to her. Most
women, however, instinctively know how important listening is. To expect a man to know this
without some training is to expect him to be like a woman. Fortunately, after being appreciated
for listening to a woman, a man does learn to respect the value of talking.
WHEN A MAN WON'T TALK
Sandra and Larry had been married for twenty years. Sandra wanted a divorce and Larry
wanted to make things work.
She said, "How can he say he wants to stay married? He doesn't love me. He doesn't feel
anything. He walks away when I need him to talk. He is cold and heartless. For twenty years he
has withheld his feelings. I am not willing to forgive him. I will not stay in this marriage. I am
too tired of trying to get him to open up and share his feelings and be vulnerable."
Sandra didn't know how she had contributed to their problems. She thought it was all her
husband's fault. She thought she had done everything to promote intimacy, conversation, and
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