John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

 
For years we have suppressed our painful feelings. Then one day we fall in love, and love 
makes us feel safe enough to open up and become aware of our feelings. Love opens us up and 
we start to feel our pain. 
 
Why Couples May Fight During Good rimes 
 
Our past feelings suddenly come up not just when we fall in love but at other times when we 
are feeling really good, happy, or loving. At these positive times, couples may unexplainably 
fight when it seems as though they should be happy. 
 
For example, couples may fight when they move into a new home, redecorate, attend a 
graduation, a religious celebration, or a wedding, receive presents, go on a vacation or car ride, 
finish a project, celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving, decide to change a negative habit, buy a 
new car, make a positive career change, win a lottery, make a lot of money, decide to spend a lot 
of money, or have great love making. 
 
At all of these special occasions one or both partners may suddenly experience unexplained 
moods and reactions; the upset tends to be either before, during, or right after the occasion. It 
may be very insightful to review the above list of special occasions and reflect or. how your 
parents might have experienced these occasions as well as reflect on how you have experienced 
these occasions in your relationships. 
 
THE 90/10 PRINCIPLE 

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By understanding how past unresolved feelings periodically surface, it is easy to understand 
why we can become so easily hurt by our partners. When we are upset, about 90 percent of the 
upset is related to our past and has nothing to do with what we think is upsetting us. Generally