[Friend's name]: I do

Welcome everyone, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of [friend's name] and [partner's name] in matrimony. They met on Tinder, and who would have thought that swiping right could lead to a love that is so right!
[To the couple]: I have to say, it's pretty impressive that you two were able to get to know each other through a few profile pictures and a short bio. It's like ordering food off a menu and finding out it's the best thing you've ever tasted! But, in all seriousness, it just goes to show that love can happen in unexpected ways.
[To the audience]: [Friend's name] and [partner's name] have asked that I keep this ceremony short and sweet, which is just how they like their dates! So, let's get straight to it.
[To the couple]: [Friend's name] and [partner's name], you both have chosen to be here today to pledge your love and commitment to one another in front of your family and friends. Do you, [friend's name], take [partner's name] to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to love and cherish in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do you part?
[Friend's name]: I do.
[To the couple]: And do you, [partner's name], take [friend's name] to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to love and cherish in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do you part?
[Partner's name]: I do.
[To the couple]: By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride, or the groom, or both if that's what you're into!
[To the audience]: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. [friend's last name].
[To the couple]: May your love continue to grow, just like your Tinder match count, and may your life together be filled with love, laughter, and the occasional dad joke. Congratulations!