Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Pdfdrive com

ANALYSIS
Thesis: Now I’ve got you, you son of a bitch.
Aim: Justification.
Roles: Victim, Aggressor.
Dynamics: Jealous rage.
Examples: (1) I caught you this time. (2) Jealous husband.
Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.
Adult: ‘See, you have done wrong.’
Adult: ‘Now that you draw it to my attention, I guess I have.’
Psychological Paradigm: Parent-Child.
Parent: ‘I’ve been watching you, hoping you’d make a slip.’
Child: ‘You caught me this time.’
Parent: ‘Yes, and I’m going to let you feel the full force of my fury.’
Moves: (1) Provocation – Accusation. (2) Defence – Accusation. (3)
Defence – Punishment.
Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological – justification for rage. (2) External
Psychological – avoids confrontation of own deficiencies. (3) Internal Social –
NIGYSOB. (4) External Social – they’re always out to get you. (5) Biological –
belligerent exchanges, usually ipsisexual. (6) Existential – people can’t be
trusted.
5 · SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO
Thesis. In its classical form this is a marital game, and in fact is a ‘three-star
marriage buster’, but it may also be played between parents and children and in
working life.
(1) First-Degree SWYMD: White, feeling unsociable, becomes engrossed
in some activity which tends to insulate him against people. Perhaps all he wants
at the moment is to be left alone. An intruder, such as his wife or one of his
children, comes either for stroking or to ask him something like, ‘Where can I
find the long-nosed pliers?’ This interruption ‘causes’ his chisel, paintbrush,
typewriter or soldering iron to slip, whereupon he turns on the intruder in a rage
and cries, ‘See what you made me do.’ As this is repeated through the years, his
family tends more and more to leave him alone when he is engrossed. Of course
it is not the intruder but his own irritation which ‘causes’ the slip, and he is only

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too happy when it occurs, since it gives him a lever for ejecting the visitor.
Unfortunately this is a game which is only too easily learned by young children,
so that it is easily passed on from generation to generation. The underlying
satisfactions and advantages are more clearly demonstrated when it is played
more seductively.
(2) Second-Degree SWYMD: If SWYMD is the basis for a way of life,
rather than merely being used occasionally as a protective mechanism, White
marries a woman who plays ‘I’m Only Trying to Help You’ or one of its
relatives. It is then easy for him to defer decisions to her. Often this may be done
in the guise of considerateness or gallantry. He may deferentially and
courteously let her decide where to go for dinner or which movie to see. If things
turn out well, he can enjoy them. If not, he can blame her by saying or implying:
‘You Got Me Into This’, a simple variation of SWYMD. Or he may throw the
burden of decisions regarding the children’s upbringing on her, while he acts as
executive officer; if the children get upset, he can play a straight game of
SWYMD. This lays the groundwork through the years for blaming mother if the
children turn out badly; then SWYMD is not an end in itself, but merely offers
passing satisfaction on the way to ‘I Told You So’ or ‘See What You’ve Done
Now’.
The professional player who pays his psychological way with SWYMD
will use it also in his work. In occupational SWYMD the long-suffering look of
resentment replaces words. The player ‘democratically’ or as part of ‘good
management’ asks his assistants for suggestions. In this way he may attain an
unassailable position for terrorizing his juniors. Any mistake he makes can be
used against them by blaming them for it. Used against seniors (blaming them
for one’s mistakes), it becomes self-destructive and may lead to termination of
employment or, in the army, to transfer to another unit. In that case it is a
component of ‘Why Does This Always Happen To Me?’ with resentful people,
or of ‘There I Go Again’ with depressives – (both of the’ Kick Me’ family).
(3) Third-Degree SWYMD: in a hard form SWYMD may be played by
paranoids against people incautious enough to give them advice (see ‘I’m Only
Trying to Help You’). There it may be dangerous, and in rare cases even fatal.
‘See What You Made Me Do.’ (SWYMD) and ‘You Got Me into This’
(UGMIT) complement each other nicely, so that the SWYMD-UGMIT
combination is a classical basis for the cover game contract in many marriages.
This contract is illustrated by the following sequence.
By mutual agreement Mrs White did the family bookkeeping and paid the
bills out of the joint checking account because Mr White was ‘poor at figures’.
Every few months they would be notified of an overdraft, and Mr White would

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have to square it with the bank. When they looked for the source of the
difficulty, it would turn out that Mrs White had made an expensive purchase
without telling her husband. When this came to light, Mr White would furiously
play his UGMIT, and she would tearfully accept his rebuke and promise it would
not happen again. Everything would go smoothly for a while, and then a
creditor’s agent would suddenly appear to demand payment for a long-overdue
bill. Mr White, not having heard of this bill, would question his wife about it.
She would then play her SWYMD, saying that it was his fault. Since he had
forbidden her to overdraw their account, the only way she could make ends meet
was by leaving this large obligation unpaid and hiding the duns from him.
These games had been allowed to go on for ten years, on the basis that each
occurrence would be the last, and that from then on it would be different – which
it was, for a few months. In therapy Mr White very cleverly analysed this game
without any assistance from the therapist, and also devised an effective remedy.
By mutual agreement he and Mrs White put all charge accounts and their bank
account in his name. Mrs White continued to do the bookkeeping and make out
the checks, but Mr White saw the bills first and controlled the outgoing
payments. In this way neither duns nor overdrafts could get by him, and they
now shared the budgetary labour. Deprived of the satisfactions and advantages of
SWYMD-UGMIT, the Whites were at first at a loss, and were then driven to find
more open and constructive types of gratification from each other.
Antithesis. The antithesis to First-Degree SWYMD is to leave the player
alone, and to Second-Degree SWYMD to throw the decision back on White. The
First-Degree player may react by feeling forlorn, but seldom angry; the Second-
Degree player may become sulky if he is forced to take the initiative, so that
systematic anti-SWYMD leads to disagreeable consequences. The antithesis to
Third-Degree SWYMD should be put into competent professional hands.

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