Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to Success, Sanity, and Happiness for the Female Entrepreneur

Stop Being Such a Bitch (To Yourself)
“When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.”
– Diane Von Furstenberg
Being your own boss can be tough. There’s nobody there to tell you
when to take a day off, to take the blame for you, to tell you when to step
your game up, to tell you where you need improvement, to provide positive
reinforcement, and nobody to catch you when you start treating yourself
like shit. And it’s so easy to treat yourself like shit.
Many of my clients struggle with negative self-talk. They are
incredibly hard on themselves and find it so easy to point out their
weaknesses, and so difficult to celebrate their strengths. Listen up, ladies:
there are tons of people who will drag you down and point out your flaws.
Do not be one of them.
I know I have been ultra hard on myself in the past. And it usually
happens when I’m over-tired and cranky. I once did a live television
appearance in Austin, Texas on how to be your own Valentine. I was so
excited for the segment and I spent hours and hours prepping and
practicing. I meticulously planned my outfit, spent the entire day before the
show finding the perfect pink roses for my set (they had to be fresh and be
the same shade as my blouse) and memorized every last detail and fact I
needed for my spot. I was not just ready for the show – I was beyond ready.
The night before my appearance, the air conditioner in my hotel room
had something funky going on with it. It would click every thirty seconds,
making the most annoying, distracting sound you can imagine. Because I
was already nervous, it was extremely hard for me to sleep that night. I laid
in bed, tossing and turning, becoming more and more anxious that I was

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losing sleep and would be an exhausted mess on the show. When my alarm
went off at 6:30 am, I felt as if I had never even fallen asleep that night.
My husband, who was with me on the trip, ordered a large pot of coffee
and reassured me that I would be fine. He packed up our hotel room since
we were going straight to the airport after my appearance as I sat in front of
my computer like a zombie, reviewing my talking points and sucking down
my coffee desperately waiting for it to give me life. We arrived at the studio
and my adrenaline must have taken over, because I was able to pull off the
segment without a hitch. At the time, however, I tore myself apart over it.
The entire car ride to the airport was a blur of self-loathing. I felt like I
totally blew it, replaying the whole scene in my mind, sure that I royally
screwed up. I remember getting to the airport and ordering breakfast and
noticing that the station had already tweeted out a link to the segment. I
immediately clicked on it, watched, and felt my eyes well up with tears.
“What is wrong? What happened?” my husband asked, looking at me
as if someone had died.
“I was horrible! I fucked up! Look at how I’m sitting! Ugh! I look so
tired!” The list of insults I hurled at myself went on and on.
“Let me see,” he said, grabbing my iPhone out of my hand.
Three minutes later he looked at me, handed my phone back, and told
me (in the most loving way possible) that I was out of my mind.
“Do you see what I see?” he asked.
“Yes, I do. I have bags under my eyes. I sound drained. I wish I had
gotten more sleep...”
He immediately cut me off. “You were amazing. You nailed this. Turn
your phone off and watch it again tomorrow, please.”
And I did exactly that. The next morning, with a fresh night’s sleep and
a giant cup of coffee, I watched my clip again. And you know what? I did
nail it. I hit every point, I looked totally fine, and I came across
knowledgeable and engaging. I gave myself a whole lot more credit than I
did that previous morning, and I am grateful that I finally did.
We are all hard on ourselves at times. It’s an unfortunate habit that
most of us have – including myself. The trick is catching yourself in the
moment, snapping yourself out of it, and getting a new perspective.
Sometimes that takes a good night’s sleep, sometimes that takes your