Introduction 2

Practicing Self-Care

Give yourself a break. Understand that it is okay to make mistakes. You may feel guilty but it is important to accept yourself in spite of your weaknesses.[8]

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  Forgive yourself and move on instead of dwelling on your issue.
  
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  Focus on doing better now and in the future.
  

Keep your emotions in check. When we make a mistake it is easy to get frustrated, overwhelmed, or give up altogether. If you are feeling overly emotional or stressed, take a break. It won't benefit you to try to fix your mistake if your emotions are heightened.
Cope. Focus on ways of coping with negative emotions that may make you feel better. Think about ways you have coped with making mistakes in the past. Identify ways you have coped well and ways you coped that made you feel worse.

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  Some common coping strategies for dealing with mistakes include: positive self-talk (saying nice things about yourself), exercise, and relaxing activities such as reading or playing a game.
  
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  Some unhelpful ways of coping with mistakes include engaging in self-destructive behaviors such as: using alcohol or other substances, harming the self physically, ruminating, and thinking negatively about the self.
  

Communicating Effectively

Be assertive. Using assertive communication skills means saying how you think and feel in a respectful and appropriate way.[9] When you are assertive, you admit when you are wrong and take ownership of your personal faults. You do not blame others for your mistakes.

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  Avoid passivity, which involves avoiding talking about it, hiding, going along with what everyone wants you to do, and not standing up for yourself.
  
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  Do not be aggressive, including: raising your voice, yelling, belittling, cursing, and violent behaviors (throwing things, hitting).
  
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  Avoid being passive-aggressive. This is a mix between passive and aggressive forms of communication where you may be upset but not be forthcoming with your feelings. Therefore, you may do something behind someone’s back to get revenge or give them the silent treatment. This is not the best form of communication and the person may not understand what you are trying to communicate or why.
  
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  Send positive nonverbal messages. Our nonverbal communication sends messages to the people around us. A smile says, “Hey, I should be frowning, but I can be brave and get through this thing."
  

Use active listening skills. Let the person that is upset vent his frustrations and wait to respond.[10]

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  Try to focus solely on listening to the person instead of thinking about how to respond. Focus on the other person's feelings and thoughts instead of your own.
  
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  Make summary statements and ask clarifying questions, such as, "I hear you saying that you are angry because I forgot to clean the bathroom, is that right?"
  
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  Empathize. Try to be understanding and put yourself in the other person's shoes.
  

Apologize. When we make mistakes we sometimes hurt others. Saying you are sorry shows that you regret the mistake, feel bad about the harm you’ve done, and that you want to do better in the future.[11]

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  Don’t give excuses or try to explain it away. Simply own up to it. Say, "I admit I forgot to clean the bathroom. I am so sorry about that."
  
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  Be careful not to blame others. Do not say something like, "If you would have reminded me to clean it then maybe I would have remembered and done it."²¹
  

Commit to positive change. Expressing ways to make up for the problem and committing to working on the issues are effective ways to fix a mistake when it involves another person.

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  Try to work out a solution. Ask the person what they would like you to do to make up for it. You could say, "Is there anything that I can do now?"
  
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  Figure out how to do things differently in the future. You can ask the person, "What do you think might help me not make this mistake again?"
  
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  Tell the person that you are willing to put in the work to reduce the likelihood of making the mistake in the future. You could say something like, "I do not want this to happen again so I will make an effort to ____." Say exactly what you will do such as, "I will make sure I write down a list of my chores so that I won't forget again."