was insulted that she would mistrust him again after he had reassured her of his love a month
before. In his defensiveness he negatively judged her recurring need for reassurance. As a
result they argued.
Reassuring Insights
By understanding how women are like waves, Tom realized that the recurrence of Susan's
neediness and insecurity was natural, inevitable, and temporary. He realized how naive he had
been to think that his loving response to Susan's deepest core issues could permanently heal
her.
Tom learning successfully to support Susan when she was in her well not only made it easier
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for her to do her inner healing but also helped them not to have fights at those times. Tom was
encouraged by the three following realizations.
1. A man's love and support cannot instantly resolve a woman's issues. His love, however, can
make it safe for her to go deeper into her well. It is naive to expect a woman to be perfectly
loving all the time. He can expect these issues to come up again and again. Each time, however,
he can get better at supporting her.
2. A woman going into her well is not a man's fault or his failure. By being more supportive he
cannot prevent it from happen' rig, but he can help her through these difficult times.
3. A woman has within herself the ability to spontaneously rise up after she has hit bottom. A
man does not have to fix her. She is not broken but just needs his love, patience, and
understanding.
WHEN A WOMAN DOESN'T FEEL SAFE IN HER WELL
This tendency to be like a wave increases when a woman is in an intimate relationship. It is
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