John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by


to communicate with a loving, validating, and approving attitude. In addition we need to accept


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Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

to communicate with a loving, validating, and approving attitude. In addition we need to accept 
and understand that we and our partners will not always be perfect. By learning successfully to 
communicate in response to the smaller upsets in a relationship it becomes easier to deal with 
the bigger challenges when they suddenly appear. 
 
In each of the above examples I have placed the woman in the role of being upset with the man 
for something he did or didn't do. Certainly men can also be upset with women, and any of my 
suggestions listed above apply equally to both sexes. If you are in a relationship, asking your 
partner how he or she would respond to the suggestions listed above is a useful exercise. 
 
Take some time when you are not upset with your partner to discover what words work best for 
them and share what works best for you. Adopting a few "prearranged agreed-upon statements" 
can be immensely helpful to neutralize tension when conflict arises. 
 
Also, remember that no matter how correct your choice of words, the feeling behind your words 
counts most. Even if you were to use the exact phrases listed above, if your partner didn't feel 
your love, validation, and approval the tension would continue to increase. As I mentioned 
before, sometimes the best solution for avoiding conflict is to see it coming and lie low for a 
while. Take a time-out to center yourself so that you can then come together again with greater 
understanding, acceptance, validation, and approval. 
 
Making some of these changes may at first feel awkward or even manipulative. Many people 
have the idea that love means "saying it like it is." This overly direct approach, however, does 
not take into account the listener's feelings. One can still be honest and direct about feelings 

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