When reading the letters, he may feel attacked by the anger and hurt and become defensive. At
such times he needs to take a timeout to reflect on what was said.
Sometimes when a person hears a Love Letter they only hear the anger and it will take a while
before they can hear the love. It helps if, after a bit, he rereads the letter, especially the regret
and love sections. Sometimes before I read a Love Letter from my wife, I read the love section
first and then I read the full letter.
If a man is upset after reading a Love Letter, he could also respond with his own Love Letter,
which would allow him to process the negative feelings that came up when he read her Love
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Letter. Sometimes I don't know what is bothering me until my wife shares a Love Letter with
me, and then suddenly I have something to write about. By writing my letter I am able to find
again my loving feelings and reread her letter and hear the love behind her hurt.
If a man cannot immediately respond with love, he needs to know that it's OK and not be
punished. His partner needs to understand and accept his need to think about things for a
while. Perhaps, to support his partner, he can say something like "Thank you for writing this
letter. I need some time to think about it and then we can talk about It." It is important that he
not express critical feelings about the letter. Sharing letters needs to be a safe time.
All of the above suggestions for sharing Love Letters also apply when a woman has difficulty
responding to a man's letter in a loving way. I generally recommend that couples read out loud
the letters they have written. It is helpful to read your partner's letter out loud because it helps
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