Everywhere small support groups on almost every topic meet each week to give and receive this
support. Group support is especially helpful if as children we did not feel safe to express
ourselves in groups or in our family. While any positive group activity is empowering,
speaking or listening in a loving and supportive group can be personally healing.
1 meet regularly with a small men's support group, and my wife, Bonnie , meets regularly with
her women's support group. Getting this outside support greatly enhances our relationship. It
frees us from looking to each other as the sole source of support. In addition, by listening to
others share their successes and failures our own problems tend to shrink.
Taking time to Listen
Whether you are privately writing down your thoughts and feelings on your computer or
sharing them in therapy, in your relationships, or in a support group, you are taking an
important step for yourself. When you take the time to listen to your feelings you are in effect
saying to the little feeling person inside "You matter. You deserve to be heard and I care enough
to listen."
I hope you will use this Love Letter Technique because I have witnessed it transform the lives
of thousands of people, including my own. As you write more Love Letters it becomes easier
and works better. It takes practice, but it is worth it.
146
Chapter 12
How to Ask for
Support and Get It
If you are not getting the support you want in your relationships a significant reason may be
that you do not ask enough or you may ask in a way that doesn't work. Asking for love and
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