Mary angrily says, "I am not always unhappy. Can't you just listen to me?"
Tom says, "I am listening."
Mary says, "Why do I even bother?"
After this conversation, Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking
intimacy and companionship. Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong. He
wanted to help, but his problem-solving tactics didn't work.
Without knowing about life on Venus, Tom didn't understand how important it was just to
listen without offering solutions. His solutions only made things worse. You see, Venusians
never offer solutions when someone is talking. A way of honoring another Venusian is to listen
patiently with empathy, seeking truly to understand the other's feelings.
Tom had no idea that just listening with empathy to Mary express her feelings would bring her
tremendous relief and fulfillment. When Tom heard about the Venusians and how much they
needed to talk, he gradually learned how to listen.
When Mary now comes home tired and exhausted their conversations are quite different. They
sound like this:
Mary says, "There is so much to do. I have no time for me."
Tom takes a deep breath, relaxes on the exhale, and says, "Humph, sounds Ii ike you had a hard
day."
Mary says, "They expect me to change everything at a moment's notice. I don't know what to
do."
Tom pauses and then says, " "Hmmm."
Mary says, "I even forgot to call my aunt."
Tom says with a slightly wrinkled brow, "Oh, no."
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