understanding that she is sick with the resentment flu and give her some extra love.
Similarly, when a man is giving penalty points, a woman can realize that he has his own
version of resentment flu. He needs some extra love so he can get better. As a result, he
immediately gives her bonus points to even the score again.
Through learning how to score big with a man, a woman has a new edge for supporting her
man when he seems distant and hurt. Instead of doing little things for him (from the list: 101
122
Ways to Score Points with a Woman, page 79), which is what she would want, she can more
successfully focus her energies in giving him what he wants (as listed in How Women Can
Score Big with Men, page 90).
REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES
Both men and women can benefit greatly by remembering how differently we keep score.
Improving a relationship takes no more energy than we are already expending and doesn't have
to be terribly difficult. Relationships are exhausting until we learn how to direct our energies
into the ways that our partner can fully appreciate.
123
Chapter 11
How to Communicate
Difficult Feelings
When we are upset, disappointed, frustrated, or angry it is difficult to communicate lovingly.
When negative emotions come up, we tend momentarily to lose our loving feelings of trust,
caring, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and respect. At such times, even with the best
intentions, talking turns into fighting. In the heat of the moment, we do not remember how to
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