they are nurturing him when they abstain from offering unsolicited advice to solve his
problems. He needs her loving support but in a different way than she thinks. To withhold
correcting a man or trying to improve him are ways to nurture him. Giving advice can be
nurturing only if he directly asks for it.
A man looks for advice or help only after he has done what he can do alone. If he receives too
much assistance or receives it too soon, he will lose his sense of power and strength. He
becomes either lazy or insecure. Instinctively men support one another by not offering advice
or help unless specifically approached and asked.
In coping with problems, a man knows he has to first go a certain distance by himself, and then
if he needs help he can ask for it without losing his strength, power, and dignity. To offer help
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to a man at the wrong time could easily be taken as an insult.
When a man is carving the turkey for Thanksgiving and his partner keeps offering advice on
how and what to cut, he feels mistrusted. He resists her and is determined to do it his way on
his own. On the other hand, if a man offers her assistance in cutting the turkey she feels loved
and cared for.
When a woman suggests that her husband follow the advice of some expert, he may be
offended. I remember one woman asking me why her husband got so angry at her. She
explained to me that before sex she had asked him if he had reviewed his notes from a taped
lecture by me on the secrets of great sex. She didn't realize this was the ultimate insult to him.
Although he had appreciated the tapes, he didn't want her telling him what to do by reminding
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