Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
40
walls; a wild animal could expect to be fed at its back door, and a tired husband returning 
from the world outside would be welcomed at the gate. 
Allah has said that husband and wife should be like 'garments' for one another 
(2:187). The point of a garment is to give warmth, protection and decency, and in mar-
riage terms this includes intimacy, comfort and protection from being tempted to 'look 
elsewhere.' Garments are not held together by a few big knots, but by thousands of little 
stitches of thread. It is the continuing accumulation of small words and acts each day of 
our lives that 'clothe' us and reveal what we really are. Some clothing is uncomfortable and 
restrictive, and we are only too eager to throw it off. We need to clothe ourselves with 
compassion, kindness, humility, good humour and patience. 
Put on the belt of sabr, wind on the turban of tawbah, Keep on the shirt of zuhd, 
and work hard in it! You will not travel without the sandals of fear and hope in God, 
Nor without the staff called yaqin or the provisions of taqwa (Shaykh Muhammad 
Ibn al-Habib) 
The marriage, and the home, if organised and run under the eye of Allah Almighty, 
should radiate certain qualities. A stranger coming to a 'submitted' home should feel this 
atmosphere right away-that no matter how weary the occupants, they are never too busy to 
be kind. When both partners feel this atmosphere, and observe the happiness and relaxation 
of their guests as they eat and pray with them, they should know that their marriage is on 
the right course. 
For those people who are having difficulties with their marriages, they might like to 
use a little though-technique to help them get their priorities right, and boost their morale 
when the road is getting rough. 
The Holy Qur'an itself offers the following though-technique as our aid and 
encouragement when beginning to get depressed, or even when sunk in the depths of 
despair. 
'Whatever good you send forth for your souls, you will find it with Allah; for Allah is 
All-Seeing of what you do.' (2:110) 
Muslims find it helpful to think of the hereafter, and Paradise, as a kind of 'heavenly 
bank,' and all the good things you are granted to do as 'payments' that are going to be 
deposited in that bank. 
'Allah does not permit the reward to be lost of those who do good; nor do they 
spend anything (in charity), small or great, but that the deed is inscribed to their credit, 
that Allah may requite their deed with the best possible reward.' (9:121) 
In the Qur'an, Allah frequently uses this thought picture, talking of either your good 
deeds or your sins 'which your hands send on before you.' (See e.g. 2:110, 78:40, 81:14). 
In other words, if you have done something wrong, then you have indeed brought 
down your balance-but this is not the end of the world. God will allow you to repay that 
debt; every time a person genuinely repents of what they did wrong and makes an effort to 
put it right, the 'debt' is repaid. Every time a Muslim turns to Allah and genuinely seeks 
forgiveness, he "or she is forgiven. Sometimes, when the debt proves too overwhelming, He 
will even excuse you the debt-because God is God, and not a human bank-manager. 
'Had it not been for the grace and mercy of Allah towards you, you would surely 
have been among the lost.' (2:64) 
Allah ta'ala is far more generous and forgiving than human beings. The important 
thing is that in trying to live the Muslim life you keep on building up your balance of 'good 
payments' day by day, in the little things you do and think as well as the big ones. That way, 
when you reach the end of each day and cast your mind back over its successes and failures, 
you will be able to see how you are moving steadily forward. This becomes vitally 
important if you marry someone who does not move steadily forward with you. 
It can happen that a marriage will go wrong-as you have perhaps seen among your 
friends. Of course, it usually takes two to make an argument, and we all know that few 
marriages can really break down without there being fault on both sides. But sometimes the 
fault really is very heavily weighted on one side or the other, and the perplexed partner 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

---