Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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be both foolish and immoral to act in any way unpalatable to her natural temperament, 
and a man selfishly seeking his own satisfaction without considering that of his wife is a 
selfish boor. 
In fact, according to a hadith: 
'Three things are counted inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he 
would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his 
family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going 
to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her 
intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him.' 
(Daylami) 
This is another of the things implied by the saying that one's wife is `a tilth unto 
you' (2:223). The imagery is that of a farmer taking care of his fields. According to 
Mawlana Abul-Ala Mawdudi: 
'The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the harvest, but he does not sow it out 
of season or cultivate it in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and 
considerate, and does not run riot.' (Afzalur Rahman, Qur'anic Sciences, London 1981, p. 
285) 
Likewise, in the case of husband and wife, the husband should not just. 
'take hold of his wife and drop the seed and finish the business of procreation. 
The damage in this case could sometimes be irreparable, because the woman, unlike a 
farm, is very sensitive and has emotions, feelings and strong passions which need full 
satisfaction and attention in a proper and appropriate manner.' (Afzalur Rahman, p. 
286.) 
If this is not take into consideration, and the wife is not properly prepared to 
start lovemaking, or is unsatisfied when it is finished, there could be many psychological 
and physiological complications leading to frigidity and other abnormalities. Indeed, 
many husbands eventually become disappointed with their wives, believing them to be 
frigid or unable to respond to their activities (unlike the sirens on the film or TV screen), 
and they wonder what is wrong with them. A possible explanation will follow in a 
moment. 
Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live 
with her in serenity (7:189), and not in unhappiness, frustration and strife. If your mar-
riage is frankly awful, then you must ask yourself how such a desperate and tragic 
scenario could be regarded by anyone as 'half the Faith.' 
According to a hadith: 
'Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a 
messenger between you.' 'And what is that messenger?' they asked, and he replied: 
`Kisses and words.' (Daylami) 
These 'kisses and words' do not just include foreplay once intimacy has 
commenced. To set the right mood, little signals should begin well in advance, so that 
the wife has a clue as to what is coming, and is pleasantly expectant, and also has 
adequate time to make her-self clean, attractive and ready. 
As regards intimacy itself, all men know that they cannot achieve sexual 
fulfillment if they are not aroused. They should also realise that it is actually harmful 
and painful for the female organs to be used for sex without proper preparation. In 
simple biological terms, the woman's private parts need a kind of natural lubrication 
before the sexual act takes place. For this, Allah has created special glands, known to 
modern doctors as the Bartholin glands, which provide the necessary 'oils.' 
It is still possible to read old-fashioned advice to husbands that a desirable wife 
should be 'dry'-which is remarkable ignorance and makes one really grieve for the poor 
wives of such inconsiderate men. Just as no-one would dream of trying to run an engine 
without the correct lubricating fluids, it is the same, through the creative will of Allah, 
with the parts of the female body designed for sexual intimacy. A husband should know 
how to stimulate the production of these 'oils' in his wife, or at the very least allow her 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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