Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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quite a different place than the one intended for physical intimacy. It is perfectly 
possible for a husband to touch a woman's vagina and clitoris, and not touch the part 
from which urine comes at all. 
The Blessed Prophet actually recommended regularly removing the pubic hairs-a 
tricky operation for the woman, but preferable for a clean and stimulating attitude to 
sexual coupling. 
If, after taking a shower before sex, and perhaps using a favourite perfume, the 
man still thinks the woman is dirty or unclean, then he is being ignorant, and 
unrighteously ungrateful and critical of Allah's creation and intentions, and is 
neglecting his own duty. 
 
WHAT ABOUT THOSE WRINKLES? 
A good Muslim does not waste time complaining to the Creator about the 
physical 'bag of tricks' he or she has been given for this life time. It is a complete 
waste of tin me for a man as thin as a stick to wish that he were a rugby player; or 
someone with blue eyes wishing they had brown; or someone with ginger hair trying to 
dye it another colour; or a short person trying desperately to be tall; or an ageing 
person wishing to be young again, and so on. Although we can sometimes make 
marginal improvements with great effort, basically we are as we are, warts and all. 
The amazing thing is that it is not the appearance of our physical bodies that 
makes our partner love us. 
Certainly it is true that human beings probably cannot help an instant reaction 
when they look at another human being for the first time. But even in very 
materialistic societies, people's looks are often not the reason why they fall in love. 
They need have little to do with a happy marriage. 'A man who marries a woman for 
her wealth and beauty will be deprived of that wealth and beauty; while the man who 
marries her for her religion shall receive from God her wealth and beauty too.' (Hadith 
in Tabarani.) 
Being unduly concerned about any aspect of one's looks can have a very 
detrimental effect on a marriage, especially if the person's desire to change something 
or other in their body overwhelms them and becomes their chief concern. It is the duty 
of all of us to make the best of what we have; but it is a subtle form of shirk to live in 
an attitude of complaint to our Creator for what we have been given. 
`O friend, friend! Be neither anguished nor distressed, 
Surrender to God's Decrees, and you will be praised and rewarded. 
Be content with what He has ordained and disposed, Do not dispute the decree 
of He Who is the Lord of the High Throne.' (Imam al-Haddad) 
Nevertheless, loving people realise that those they love are often very sensitive 
about certain things. Having stated that husbands should pay their wives the compli-
ment of actually looking at them, particularly during intimate moments, it also needs 
to be stated that many women appreciate the cover of darkness, and only feel 
comfortable being intimate in the dark, when all their 'warts and all' become invisible. 
Women are sensitive things-signs of ageing or physical `imperfections,' little defects 
like double-chins, rolls of unwanted spare tyre round the belly, all sorts of spots and 
blemishes, these are just as upsetting to a woman as flapping ears, pimples, the 
inability to grow hair, being too thin or too short are to the male ego. Sometimes the 
darkness is kind to us, and loosens up our inhibitions. 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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