Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

 
THE IMPORTANCE OF KINDNESS TO YOUR WOMAN 
A person embarking on a journey across strange territory will be well-advised to 
consult a map. Similarly, it is a good idea for anyone embarking on marriage for the 
first time to have a rough idea of what to do and how long to do it for. For a Muslim 
man contracting nikah, this is a duty. A man getting married can probably already 
imagine what pleases him, and what it is necessary for him to do or experience, and 
for how long, for him to achieve satisfaction and a good, restful night's sleep to follow. 
He already knows that if he is turned on by something, and then is forced to 'cool 
it down, "turn it off,' and not be fulfilled, this takes a considerable effort of will, and is 
not a pleasant business at all. 
Imagine a hungry cat being shown a plateful of food. Once the food is seen and 
smelt, the cat goes crazy to have it. You hold the cat back, but the instant you let go, it 
leaps upon the food. It is perfectly natural for it to do so. Can you imagine how unjust it 
would be to a female cat if the male was always allowed to finish the meal and eat just 
as much as he liked, while the female always had the plate snatched away from her 
after she had just taken a bite at it? 
Nobody who kept a pet cat would ever dream of making this distinction between 
their male and female animals. They would see and agree straight away that it was gross 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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cruelty, and totally in opposition to the will of Allah, Who has counselled kindness and 
consideration to all creatures. 
But sometimes men do this to their women, and it is a gross dereliction of their 
duty. Sometimes human beings develop one particular blindness - they forget that they 
also have a biological nature, male and female, and that all their needs and urges and 
intuitions are implanted in them by their dear Lord, the Benevolent Creator. 
As regards sexual fulfillment, if a man knows that he is not going to be able to 
achieve it, he is likely to make a considerable effort not to let his body become aroused 
in the first place, or if it is he will probably have worked out some means acceptable to 
himself of satisfying the urge aroused, even though he may feel unhappy about this. 
He may not realise that real sex is not 'like the films,' and that it could take 
between 15-30 minutes to fully arouse his wife; and that it is gross cruelty to make no 
attempt to do this at all, or to start off and then finish abruptly. If a husband has rushed 
to climax before his wife, he should not abandon his efforts, but continue his caresses 
until she is satisfied. If you love your wife, is she not worth those few minutes of your 
day? 
Allah created the sexual urge in us, and it is probably the strongest of all the 
urges He created. He intended it to be used, and He intended us to form a happy 
marriage bond with a life-partner; so there is nothing wrong whatsoever in thinking 
through ways of achieving the best in marital happiness. 
A happy and fulfilled night life leads to better sleep, contentment, a better work 
routine during the day, confidence, and a whole range of other benefits. It should be 
obvious that a happy sex life is as much a part of Islam as prayers or fasting!