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9 How to turn Sex into Sadaqa 
'Women shall have rights similar to the rights upon them; according to what is 
equitable and just; and men have a degree of advantage over them.' (2:216) 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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They do indeed! This passage of the Holy Qur'an was revealed in connection with 
the rights of women following a divorce, but it also has a general sense. One basic right 
of every person taking on a contract never to have sex other than with their own 
legitimate partner is that each spouse should therefore provide sexual fulfillment (imta') 
to the other, as part of the bargain. 
Now, every man knows what sexual things please him-but some men, particularly 
those who have not been married before and are therefore lacking experience, don't 
seem to know much about how to give the same pleasure to the woman; even worse, 
some men do know but they can't be bothered to make the effort. Yet this is vital if a 
marriage is to succeed and not just be a disappointing burden for the woman, and it is 
a vital part of one's Islamic duty. It is not acceptable for a Muslim man just to satisfy 
himself while ignoring his wife's needs. 
Experts agree that the basic psychological need of a man is respect, while that of 
a woman is love. Neither respect nor love are things that can be forced-they have to be 
worked for, and earned. 
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) stated that in one's sexual intimacy with one's life-
partner there is sadaqa: 
God's Messenger (P.B.U.H) said: 'In the sexual act of each of you there is a 
sadaqa.' The Companions replied: 'O Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his 
sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?' And he said, 'Do you not think that 
were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it 
lawfully he will be rewarded.' (Muslim) 
This hadith only makes sense if the sexual act is raised above the mere animal 
level. What is the magic ingredient that turns sex into sadaqa, that makes it a matter of 
reward or punishment from Allah? It is by making one's sex life more than simple 
physical self-gratification; it is by thought for pleasing Allah by unselfish care for 
one's partner. A husband that cannot understand this will never be fully respected by 
his wife, and vice versa. 
Neither spouse should ever act in a manner that would be injurious or harmful to 
their conjugal life. Nikah is the sacred tie between husband and wife, that sincere and 
devoted love without which they cannot attain happiness and peace of mind. 
'Of His signs is this: that He created for you spouses that you might find rest in 
them, and He ordained between you love and mercy' (30:21) 
Now, every Muslim knows that a man has a right on his wife. However, because 
nikah is a contract never to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bond, Islam 
commands not only the women but the men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a 
husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by 
depriving her of her rights. 
According to all four orthodox jurists, it is incumbent upon the husband to keep 
his wife happy and pleased in this respect. Likewise, it is essential for the wife to satisfy 
the desire of the husband. Neither should reject the other, unless there is some lawful 
excuse. 
Now, it is fairly easy for a woman to satisfy a man and make her-self available to 
him, even if she is not really in the mood. It is far harder for a man to satisfy a woman if 
he is not in the mood, and this is where an important aspect of male responsibility needs 
to be brought to every Muslim man's attention, and stressed strongly. 
The jurists believed that a woman's private parts needed 'protecting' (tahsin). 
What they meant was that it was important for a Muslim husband to satisfy his wife's 
sexual needs so that she would not be tempted to commit zina out of despair or 
frustration. 
A Muslim wife is not merely a lump of flesh without emotions or feelings, just 
there to satisfy a man's natural urges. On the contrary, her body contains a soul no less 
important in God's sight than her husband's. Her heart is very tender and delicate, and 
crude or rough manners would hurt her feelings and drive away love. The husband would 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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